An Open Letter to Chan Ho Park

Mr. Park,

Why do you not fit in anywhere?

You agreed to come here because the Phillies’ front office said they would insert you into a starters’ role. I was excited to have a decent pitcher (or so I thought) inserted into the fourth or fifth starter spot.

Boy, was I wrong. You came into a game where a 23-year-old rookie pitched a gem. You took over in the seventh inning with a cozy 10-1 lead. Sure, you didn’t lose, but you gave up four runs on four hits and two walks.

Your stats are uglier than Tyrone Hill.

Where do you fit?

You failed as a starter, and now you have failed in the bullpen—even in the blowout spot. I am going to start calling you Wayne Gomes; all you need to do is sweat bullets when they call you in, and you’d be a spitting image (almost).

If I was politically correct, I would say, “go back to Triple-A.” Because I am far from politically correct, I am going to say, “go back to South Korea.”

When you pitch, we should call you Chan Go Park, because you are an instant offense for any opponent.

When you enter the gates at Citizens Bank Park, they should tell you Chan No Park, and tell you to pay the $15 parking fee that the fans “painfully” pay.

Sincerely Yours,

The City of Brotherly Love