Phillies’ Jayson Werth: What’s Behind All That Hair?

With all apologies, I am not Flattish Poe, or do not want to dis her man, but will offer some suggestions to what is behind Jayson Werth’s beard.

Werth, who is in the last year of his contract and may seek $16 million a year to parade around right field, came into spring training Monday sporting a big beard.

I can speculate a few reasons why the beard appeared, the repercussions of said facial hair, and how this might end for the talented right fielder.

What do expect from a multi-talented player who hit 36 home runs, drove in 99 RBI and stole 20 bases last season?

So that being said, I offer you several reasons why Jayson Werth grew a beard:

1) Athletes are superstitious by nature. If experiencing a hitting streak, athletes have been rumored to wear the same socks or underwear until the streak ended. If Werth does not shave until he signs a new deal, he could become the third-string catcher, with the elongated beard acting as a chest protector.

Remember Wrigley Field last year when Shane Victorino put his hands up in the air after the ball disappeared in the center field ivy? If a player does not play the ball and surrenders his right to field the ball in the Wrigley ivy, it becomes a ground-rule double. Same goes for a batted ball that gets stuck in Werth’s beard: ground-rule double.

2) Werth has a pen in his beard, so at all times, even between innings, if a new contract is given to him and he agrees to the terms, he can sign the deal.

3) Werth grew the beard to hide the fact that he is taking steroids (kidding). Reporters will continue to ask questions about the beard, while at the All-Star break, Werth has 31 homers.

4) Following the 2010 season, Werth will announce that on off days and when traveling, he lived in the woods, hunted, caught and cooked his own food for a reality show on TBS.

5) Werth could not attract Jeff Garcia or Mike Piazza’s wives, so he grew his own beard.

6) Werth does not give a flying **&&%^%^%%^ about all this hoopla over his beard and just wants to concentrate on this season and play the best baseball he can.

OK, that last one is serious.

I just wanted to have a little fun. Can you imagine the headline if Werth messes up with the beard in tow, like getting thrown out stealing home: “Phillies, Werth Lose By A Hair.”

Life is too short.

Baseball is one great game. And in Philadelphia, we got one great team.

 

*** Photo courtesy of Philly.com

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