Sometimes, it just takes one

No one will argue that leadership is a vital component for any team in any sport, but after a successful season or a championship run, you will never see a coach or manager crediting him/herself. Even for the best teams, particularly in a 162-game Major League Baseball season, the randomness of the game takes hold. A few lucky bounces can make the difference in key games, and no one person will affect the outcome all that much.

However, so often in the game we see the acquisition of a new coach or a new player, and it’s like someone flicked on the light switch. Guys who weren’t hitting are suddenly scalding the ball, and pitchers who couldn’t throw strikes are suddenly getting everyone out. What’s the big change?

Any major league player will tell you that baseball is 95 percent mental. If your mind isn’t going the right way, you’re not going to perform. That’s why you often see managers and coaches getting replaced in the middle of a long slump. If it’s the overall atmosphere that’s causing the failure, then maybe a change in personnel will create a winning mentality.

So far, the changes are helping the Phillies and Orioles. Since Philadelphia fired hitting coach Milt Thompson and brought in Greg Gross, the team has gone 17-5, while Baltimore is 9-4 since the hiring of new manager Buck Showalter.

When Showalter entered the picture, the Orioles sported the worst record in baseball and had long abandoned the pipe dream of contending down the stretch. Their main problem, as has been the case for a decade, was a lack of starting pitching. Three starters in the rotation had double-digit losses, and Jeremy Guthrie was the only one with an ERA below 5. He also led the rotation in victories with four.

Since no-nonsense Buck took the reigns, Baltimore is not looking so lost. The team rattled off nine wins in 11 games, seven of which were on the road. Over that stretch, the starters went 6-1 with an ERA under 3. If the Orioles stay on their present course, they’ll achieve their first month with a winning record since June 2008.

Showalter has a reputation for bringing a sense of order to teams with no direction, like the New York Yankees teams of the early 1990s and the brand new Arizona Diamondbacks a few years later. He’s not telling the Orioles how to hit or pitch, but as Guthrie explained, he’s helped change their mentality.

“It’s not a coincidence that we’ve turned it around since Buck showed up,” he said. “He hasn’t done anything necessarily different to make us win games, but we know what he expects. No magic formula, but maybe a kind of a good shift for us in gears.”

The Philadelphia Phillies offense was in dire need of a shift in gears early in the second half. The hitters had been stuck in neutral for the better part of the season, and the team went 2-6 on its road trip after the All-Star Break, falling six games behind the Atlanta Braves in the division.

With injuries suffered to nearly every position player at different points in the year, the team was in uncharted territory, and management felt someone needed to take the blame. Thompson had guided a healthy offense through two trips to the World Series, but he was apparently ill-equipped to help the hitters adjust to so many injuries.

Since Gross took over hitting instruction, the offense has kicked it into high gear, averaging 5.2 runs per game, more than a run better than it managed under Thompson since mid-May. What’s more impressive is that the team continued to hit after losing Ryan Howard and Shane Victorino.

While the Phillies are the ones hitting and not Gross, he probably helped bring them a fresh perspective. During last night’s game against the Mets, Gross said he tried to focus on the differences hitters displayed when they were hot or in a slump; whether it’s a difference in stance at the plate or their swing, he reminded them of those changes whenever they weren’t hitting well. Gross basically described the job of every hitting coach, but the Phillies must like what he has to say.

Now if Gross could unlock the mystery of how to hit when Roy Halladay and Cole Hamels are pitching, then we’d really be in business.

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SchizoKendrick: Kyle Kendrick, the Good Pitcher, Showed Up Last Night

 

Notice the page turning to blank—that is our boy Kyle Kendrick! Who knows what is coming next?

Kendrick was pitching against the New York Mets and it was a game that needed to be paid attention to even at a Paul McCartney concert. 

The reality is fans with smart phones will do these things while listening to a music legend.

Everyone was wondering who was going to pitch last night, Dr. Kendrick or Mr. Kyle. 

Dr. Kendrick showed up, fortunately, and took care of the Mets in what was reported on the way home as one of his best, if not his absolute best, game this season.

“I can’t explain it,” Kendrick said.

Nor can we Kyle!

No point in a play-by-play.

I did not watch the game (perhaps that is why good Kendrick showed up). 

The Mets did stack their lineup (seven left-handed batters) to play to Kendrick’s many weaknesses. It was expected, as he said, “That’s what everyone does to me usually.” 

The most important aspect of the outcome of the game (not just taking two of three from the Mets) is that we are in a three-way tie for the Wild Card lead.

 

We remain two back in the NL East.  Chase Utley will be back sooner than later—good thing.  We can all sing “See You in September” to Ryan Howard. 

What is amazing about this team is that we are doing well in spite of ourselves.  With everyone healthy we might just pull the division win out. We can thank all of our understudies for keeping us in it.

Now to Kendrick. Should we win the division, what do we do?  Is the team able to go to a three-man rotation for playoffs? 

Cole Hamels (still a Nancy boy to me) is pitching well but loves his days off.  Is he able (willing) to go to a three-man rotation? 

I would not trust Joe Blanton, and then there is our boy Kendrick… the split personality pitcher. 

Are we able to trust that he can step it up? 

 

PS: For those of you glued to the TV and not at the McCartney concert, you missed one amazing time.

He played three hours and had three encores. 

There was a tribute to John Lennon (sort of lame song I had not heard before) and a fantastic tribute to George Harrison; Paul played the Ukulele. “Live and Let Die” had indoor pyrotechnics that had me jumping out of my seat, twice.

Have to throw this in for music fans who are sports nuts! Hopefully I will not be humming “Yesterday” on October 3. 

This season, so far, has been a “Long and Winding Road” and we better “Get Back to Where We Once Belonged!”

“Hey Jude” signing off!

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Philadelphia Phillies Need Their Bats To Wake Up For Cole Hamels

Cole Hamels is back. The World Series MVP we had come to know and love is pitching the way we know he can. There is no more of that mental crap from last year. He has been on fire. His stats show that—well, at least in every category except wins.

This season, Hamels has an ERA of 3.33 going along with 157 strikeouts (good for eighth in Major League Baseball), but somehow, he is 7-9. The Phillies just don’t seem to score when Hamels is on the mound. He hasn’t had a win since July 11th. In his last two starts, he has gone seven or more innings and given up one run, in losing efforts. It is ridiculous.

This is inexcusable by the Phillies. They will score ten runs in games in which Kyle Kendrick or Joe Blanton pitch, but none whenever Hamels pitches a gem. To put it in perspective, Kendrick and Hamels have the same number of wins, while Hamels has an ERA 1.27 points better than Kendrick’s. It disgusts me.

The Phillies are in an unfamiliar place this year. They’re not six games up in the division—they’re two games back. They need to be clicking on all cylinders to win the NL East. That includes winning for Cole Hamels. If the Phils had managed just two runs in Cole’s last two starts, they would be tied for the division lead. These losses can come back to bite them.

And if this team makes the postseason, what are they going to do averaging one run for this guy? The Phillies need to play their absolute best baseball in the postseason if they want to be in the hunt for the pennant.

An ace is no use if he has no run support. It is time for the Phils to wake up and score this guy some runs. 

 

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MLB’s 10 Best Pitchers Cursed with Losing Records: Why Me?

Not everyone can be a winner.

These 10 pitchers have found this out the hard way this season. Despite pitching very well for their teams, each has a losing record.

These 10 pitchers have suffered from a lack of run support, poor defense behind them, and a case of bad luck.

Three of the pitchers on this list pitch for teams that are last place in their divisions, two play for teams that are still in the playoff hunt, and one pitcher on this list is actually on a first place team.

These ten pitchers have combined for eight All-Star selections, two NLCS MVP’s, a World Series MVP, a Cy Young, and a perfect game. Clearly losing can happen to anyone, but these 10 pitchers have pitched better than most and don’t have the wins to show for it.

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Crazy Eights: The Unsung Heroes Of The 2010 Philadelphia Phillies

As a friend of mine said to me a couple of weeks ago, if there is anything the 2010 Philadelphia Phillies baseball season has taught us, it is that 162 games can make for a very long season.

In just the last six weeks alone, the Phillies have been without Chase Utley, have spent three weeks without Jamie Moyer or Shane Victorino, and have lost Ryan Howard.

And yet, however improbably, the Phillies have simply prospered during the absence of three of their biggest stars and one of their most consistent starters.

On June 28th, the day Utley went down, the Phils were 40-34 and in third place in the NL East division.  After Thursday night’s riveting come-from-behind victory against the Los Angeles Dodgers, the Phillies are 64-50 and are playing .600 ball without their All-Star second baseman.

So what in the world is going on?

What’s going on is the Phillies have been getting some rather heroic performances from some rather unsung heroes.

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Phillies Are a Box of Chocolates: You Never Know What You Will Get

Remember Forrest Gump?  If he wasn’t fictional, he would have a blast watching the Phillies. We are, “like a box of chocolates—you never know what you’re gonna get.” And that is the way it goes for Phillies fans.

Last night, Stay Puff Marshmallow Man, Blanton, delivered in innings two through five.  As expected he did not perform in the first or the sixth (Uncle Charlie, why did you not pull him after the fifth?) He allowed four runs on eight hits and four walks.

That was my clue to exit the room to save the game. I often write about my nerves and superstition. If I walk away—we pull it out. Even my husband, a PhD in Statistics, and totally rational, cannot explain how I do this—but it works.  I do, however, keep an ear on the game.

We were down nine to two in the eighth.  We were actually luck because after Blanton loaded the bases, Durbin got us out of the sixth. Unfortunately his seventh was not a picnic. 

We found our bats somewhere in the eighth.  Finding our bats when we have good pitching and getting the pitching to work when we have our bats seems to be a problem.  Fortunately something clicked it the Phillies’ collective brains and the Dodgers imploded at the same time.  I began to hear the cheering coming from the TV. 

What happened next is the Phillies hit their way to a 10-9 win thanks to a walk off double by Carlos Ruiz! I guess you could say I got the save, “LOL!”

This three game series was indeed a box of chocolates.  We saw the home debut of Roy Oswalt and  the first home run of Domonic Brown’s promising career.  Kyle Kendrick managed to pitch only three-and-a-third innings and proved to be a split personality pitcher.  Game one was a home run derby that we lost and game two was a shut out.  Game three was like a Hail Mary. 

We took two of three games but need to do better (waiting the return of Victorino, Howard and Utley) to win the division or the wild card.  The series with the Giants will be interesting (I miss Bobble-head Bonds and the screaming insults).  As one of my customers said yesterday, “It’s a great time to be a Phillies fan!”

 

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Think Philadelphia Phillies Bullpen Will Ruin Postseason? Think Again

Let’s face it, we’ve all had those moments during the 2010 Phillies season.

Charlie Manuel casually strolls to the mound, head down, and then signals to the bullpen to send some relief for his reliever.

As we watch another bullpen arm head for the dugout, we reiterate that nobody in the Phillies front office listened to our concerns about relief pitching at the trade deadline and beyond.

The most recent of those “Do they still make Rolaids?“ moments came during Tuesday’s night’s debacle against the Dodgers. The Phillies were in the midst of one of those drubbings that happen only a few times each major league season (or more than a few if you’re the Pirates, Royals, or Orioles).

On that night, nothing positive was delivered by any Phillie who toed the rubber, and consequently nothing positive came from the reactions of people who follow the team and plan on watching baseball around Halloween.

Wednesday’s sports radio and message board discussions repeatedly pointed out that the 2.5 Million Dollar Man (Danys Baez) and Mr. Rule 5 (David Herndon) are awful. This assessment usually transitioned to the one in which everyone identified J.C. Romero as a complete disaster, Ryan Madson as maddeningly inconsistent, and Brad Lidge as washed up.

Not many of the above evaluations would land anyone an analyst’s job with the MLB Network. Just about everyone’s belief is that the Phillies’ offense will get healthy in time to overtake the Braves. Their starting pitching will make the Phillies a threat in any postseason series. Then, if their bullpen appears in the playoffs as presently constructed, it will be the team’s undoing.

To be sure, the Phillies bullpen is not very good as playoff contenders go. They are currently ranked tenth in the National League and are the worst of all of the NL playoff contenders (and the second worst of all MLB playoff contenders, ahead of only the Angels).

What everyone fails to acknowledge is that the Phillies 2010 pitching situation may be just as good if not better than that of the 2009 Phillies who came within two wins of a World Series title.

Let’s start with those who start.

Everyone agrees that this year’s starting rotation is better than last year’s, but just how much better is it? Before we get to the statistics, just consider that this year’s playoff starts will be handled almost exclusively by Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt, and the 2010 version of Cole Hamels. Last year’s rotation was headlined by Cliff Lee, the 2009 version of Cole Hamels, and a three headed monster of Pedro Martinez, J.A. Happ and Joe Blanton.

So, essentially the Phillies have gone from a 2009 rotation that went one-deep to one that goes three-deep with elite starters.

A deeper look at those starting rotations reveals a few main themes.

First, in the 2009 playoffs, Phillies starters not named Cliff Lee averaged only 5 innings pitched during their ten starts. Next, Cole Hamels was particularly awful in the 2009 postseason. He started four games, averaged 4.2 innings per start, and posted an ERA of 7.58. Lastly, Cliff Lee was clearly as dominant a starter as a team could wish for in the playoffs. He averaged 8.0 innings pitched during his five playoff starts, with a ridiculous ERA of 1.56.

In summary, due to the short outings of their starters during the 2009 playoffs, the Phillies bullpen was responsible for an average of four full innings per game in the ten games not started by Cliff Lee. However, even with a struggling Brad Lidge, an inconsistent Ryan Madson, and only two reliable left-handers in J.C. Romero and Scott Eyre (Antonio Bastardo made minimal contributions), the Phillies came within two wins of a second straight World Series title. .

If the Phillies make a deep postseason run again this year, it is quite possible that only two or three playoff games will be started by a pitcher other than Roy Halladay, Roy Oswalt or Cole Hamels. Based on their regular season numbers, this Phillies big three are averaging just under seven full innings per start.

Therefore, if the Phillies get the performance they are paying for from their big-name starters, they could realistically be looking for just about two innings per night from their bullpen, as opposed to the four innings they were sweating out during many of last year‘s playoff games.

The reality is that a set of only five or six relievers will be counted on to get six or seven outs to secure playoff wins. The right-handed options will include Chad Durbin, Jose Contreras, Ryan Madson and Brad Lidge. The more nerveracking at-bats will be contested by lefties J.C. Romero and Antonio Bastardo, unless the team acquires another arm via a waiver deal. That leaves Joe Blanton or Kyle Kendrick for long relief, similar to the roles assumed by Blanton and Happ last season.

Now, clearly this analysis is oversimplifying what it takes to get six outs at the end of a major league baseball playoff game. However, it provides a little perspective to the panic we have all been having over some of the bad relief appearances we have seen from the 2010 Phillies.

So, despite the contempt that exists for Baez and Herndon, the Phillies will make us tolerate them for another regular season. The team’s financial situation will prevent them from paying Baez to pitch somewhere else and also from paying someone else far more than David Herndon to pitch here.

The consolation is that neither Baez nor Herndon will find themselves on the roster for any the team’s postseason series.

The Phillies still have question marks surrounding their closer and left-handed relieving corps. However, they have a group of starters that is light years ahead of last year’s, which will make the relievers responsible for fewer outs than either the 2008 or 2009 bullpens .

Take a deep breath, Phillies fans.

Welcome back Victorino, then Howard, then Utley.

Then, let this team make the bullpen look good.

 

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Philadelphia Phillies Stalking Another World Series Berth

When Chase Utley slid into second base at Cincinnati on June 28 and thrashed his right thumb in the process, you could hear the big groan let out of Philly.

With Shane Victorino not being the typical menace to opposing pitchers that he usually is,  Jayson Werth being tossed around in weekly trade rumors, and Brad Lidge sauntering in from the bullpen to close games and looking less and less like his old dominating self, it just didn’t look good for the Phillies.

Maybe this just wasn’t going to be a great year. It happens. After back-to-back World Series appearances and one title to brag about, maybe the dealer just got tired of hooking the Phillies up with ace, king suited. You need some luck to win.

The Phillies played .500 ball in June, Utley went down, and within three-and-a-half weeks they trailed the Braves by seven games.

Atlanta had been rejuvenated by Jason Heyward’s emergence—although he closed out the first half on the DL, too—and had enjoyed a strong year from Troy Glaus. Tim Hudson teamed up with Tommy Hanson to anchor the rotation, and Billy Wagner brought some stability to the bullpen.

The New York Mets were hanging around. The Florida Marlins had some guy named Josh Johnson starting the All-Star Game for the National League. Word is, he is pretty good.

So that seemed to be it for the 2010 Phillies, and who could complain that much if they caught a little bad luck this year?

But then Phillies GM Ruben Amaro Jr. fixed up a package of players that got Roy Oswalt from the Houston Astros. No, getting Oswalt couldn’t compare to dealing for Cliff Lee the year before, but it was quite a move. Oswalt is a difference maker.

Philadelphia managed to hang on and play two games better than .500 in July, enjoying a little burst of energy when top prospect Dominic Brown came up to make his debut in place for Victorino. Brown had a couple hits on his first night in the big leagues, and it was a lift that the Phillies needed.

And now here we are, almost halfway through August, and the Phillies sit 2.5 games behind the Braves and continue to put the pressure on a young Atlanta team that is now being tested like the Phillies have been all season.

After dealing with his own thumb issues earlier on in the summer, Heyward had to be scratched prior to a game on Tuesday night because of a sore knee. He said he hurt it in Monday’s game. Welcome to the long grind of a big league season, rookie.

We forget that he’s a young man who would be entering his senior year of college this fall if he decided to go to school. He’s getting what many old timers would call experience.

Chipper Jones also went down in a heap Tuesday evening, injuring his knee trying to make a play in the field. Some within the Braves organization don’t think it’s a day-to-day thing.

“Chip’s going to be out a while probably,” Braves manager Bobby Cox said. “Chip doesn’t think it’s bad, but that’s him. I don’t know.”

If Heyward continued to stay healthy and produce, Matt Diaz hit better than .240, and Troy Glaus duplicated his first half where he hit 14 home runs, maybe there would be enough offense to piece around Brian McCann and keep the ship afloat.

But Glaus went 39 games without going deep until he belted a homer Tuesday night. There just simply hasn’t been a lot of help, and the onus to keep the Phillies fighting for air has fallen on an unproven pitching staff, save for Hudson and Wagner.

Like a good veteran team would, it appears that the Phillies are beginning to smell blood in the water. The New York Mets fooled us for a little while and then became the Mets again, and the Florida Marlins traded Jorge Cantu to the Texas Rangers and look comfortable with accepting another mediocre year.

That leaves only two teams at the top of the National League East, and the Phillies are trying to prove that they have guile to go with ability.

On Wednesday evening, when word came that Utley has been cleared to begin hitting again, Roy Oswalt went out and spun seven shutout innings against the woeful Los Angeles Dodgers. Lidge struck out two in the ninth inning, and now all of a sudden the Phillies have won seven of their last 10, and 15 of their last 19.

The club will not rush Utley, however. He had surgery on July 1, and the Phillies predicted he would miss eight weeks. They absolutely will not force him to return until he’s ready. They can afford to wait for Utley until September, but they can’t afford to lose him again when he returns.

The Phillies hope to get Victorino back soon. Brown will be sent back down, it appears, as he has struggled since his debut, hitting only .237. The Phillies are also waiting on Ryan Howard, who went on the DL with a sprained ankle after hurting it August 1.

Howard had 23 homers before he got hurt and kept the lineup revolving around him in the absence of Utley. Somehow, someway the Phillies have used Werth’s .395 OBP and a lot of spare parts to keep the wheels turning towards another October.

Nobody is talking about Roy Halladay this year—possibly because Ubaldo Jimenez, Josh Johnson, and Stephen Strasburg have gotten all the hype among N.L. arms—but he has quietly posted a 2.34 ERA in 185 innings. He’ll likely win 20 games again, exceed 230 innings, and lead the Phillies back to October.

Halladay, Oswalt and Cole Hamels—who has enjoyed a nice rebound year—are still the best one-two-three the N.L. has to offer.

We will see if the Braves can hold on. If they indeed with the division, they will have earned it.

At a time when we like to point to the next big thing in baseball, the Phillies know more than any other club that the last seven weeks of the season are the longest seven weeks of the season.

Veteran teams hang on and ride it out, while young teams feel the pressure and wilt.

If you closed the book on the 2010 Phillies a few weeks ago, it’s time to pick it up and start reading again.

The two-time defending N.L. champs are still here, and they are only going to get better.

 

Follow Teddy Mitrosilis on Twitter. You can reach him at tm4000@yahoo.com.

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A Tribute To Larry Bowa: The Manager Who Saved the Philadelphia Phillies

Just 10 short years ago, professional baseball in Philadelphia was dead.

Totally, undisputedly, dead.

I was a sixth-grader at the time, back in 2000, and nobody at Elkins Park Middle School in the Montgomery County Philly suburbs even wanted to talk about our city’s ball team.

No one. Wanna talk about Pokemon? Sure. The Harry Potter books? Of course. The Fightin Phils? No way.

The Phillies were nobodys. They were losers.

They were losers until Larry Bowa became the Phillies 49th manager in team history on November 1, 2000.

Now to the present: The 64-year-old Bowa has returned to Philadelphia this week as the Dodgers third base coach. Back in the ‘70’s, Bowa made a name for himself as the Phillies’ terrific shortstop. But 20 years later, he also oversaw the Phils’dramatic turn-around at the start of the new millennium.

Larry’s only previous managerial experience came with San Diego, where he was fired midway through 1988 after just one-and-a-half unsuccessful seasons.

Twelve years later in Philadelphia Bowa inherited a Phillies team, a franchise, in total disarray.

Rebuilding wouldn’t be easy.

Losing had become habitual. From 1987 through 2000, the Phillies had suffered through 13 losing seasons in 14 years. 1993, as great as it was, was simply lightening in a bottle (Bowa was actually the Phils’ third base coach that year).

The 2000 Phillies had the worst record in MLB. It was a brutal year. As a young fan still trying to establish some kind of a love for Phillies baseball, I couldn’t take too many more seasons like 2000.

In 2001, the culture of Phils baseball started to change.

In his time as Phillies’ manager, Larry repeatedly admitted that he wasn’t as outwardly confrontational or emotional as he had been in his initial managerial stint with San Diego. But Bowa still had more than enough passion as the Phils’ skipper.     

Larry didn’t tolerate the complacency that sometimes sets in within the clubhouse of a struggling team. He had learned to handle losing, but he would never, ever learn to settle for it.

Under Bowa, the Phillies weren’t going to be the doormats of MLB any longer. Bad baseball in Philadelphia wasn’t to be expected, or accepted, the way it had been since the Simpsons became America’s most famous animated family in the late 1980s.    

On paper, the 2001 Phillies who finished 86-76 and came within two games of winning the division weren’t significantly better than the 2000 Phillies who finished 65-97. The Phils’ payroll was actually $3.5 million less in 2001 than it had been in 2000.

Clearly, the Phillies players took to Bowa’s intense, hands-on style of coaching much more than they had former manager Terry Francona’s mild-mannered laid-back approach. 

Sure, Bowa rubbed a few players the wrong way in 2001, namely star third baseman Scott Rolen, but the majority of Larry’s players seemed to respond to him.

Back to the present—In case you haven’t heard, these 2010 Phillies are in a pennant race and have a dynamic three-man rotation of Roy Halladay, Cole Hamels, and Roy Oswalt.

The 2001 Phillies went deep into a pennant race too, equipped with a “Big Three” starting rotation of Robert Person, Randy Wolf, and Omar Daal.

It wasn’t quite the same back then.

Bowa was named NL Manager of the Year in 2001, an honor well deserved. 

Overall, the Phillies had a mid-level payroll during Bowa’s four-year reign, and the Phillies won 86 games three times in a season.

But by September 2004, it was clearly time for Larry to go. Another promising season would end just short of the playoffs, and it seemed that the Phillies players were no longer inspired by Bowa’s intensity and passion. Finally, Larry was fired on the second-to-last day of the ’04 season.

Bowa had taken the Phillies as far as he could. And that was far enough. Thanks to a beautiful new ballpark that helped to keep the stadium turnstiles in motion and a roster loaded with young talent, the road was fully paved for the Phillies to achieve much bigger, better things in the years ahead.

The Phillies 2008 roster featured just six players who were around at the end of Bowa’s tenure, but all six played major roles in the Phillies’ World Series championship that season (Jimmy Rollins, Pat Burrell, Chase Utley, Ryan Howard, Brett Myers, and Ryan Madson).

Larry Bowa wasn’t just the Gold Glove shortstop who helped the Phillies win their first, long-awaited World Championship in 1980, but also the manager who steered the franchise toward its second title in 2008.

Charlie Manuel was at the helm when these ultra-talented Phillies made it back to the summit of the baseball world, and he deserves credit for that. But no one should forget that it was Larry Bowa who got the long-time moribund Phillies finally pointed in the right direction and helped make Philadelphia a baseball town once again.

Phillies Four Seasons Under Larry Bowa:

Year    Record       NL East           Payroll

2001    86- 76       Second           $38, 563, 833

2002    80- 81       Third              $49, 304, 999

2003    86- 76       Third              $63, 260, 000

2004    86- 76       Second           $89, 119, 167

TOT.    338-309

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Ode To Carlos Ruiz or If It Weren’t for Those New Stalker Laws

 

This morning I was greeted by a hair ball, a pet puke, and an offensive odor.

Speaking of offensive, I should blog. I’ll start by singing the accolades of my favorite major league catcher.

Wait, my husband says it’s too early in the day for me to sing. Actually, he says there’s never a reason for it.

I’ll stick with typing and bad poetry.

Carlos Ruiz is my half-pint hero. He may be small but he’s really six foot six inches of heart packed into two enormous thighs.

I’ve sometimes used that same excuse myself. Like I say, “Does this ass make my pants look big?”

Now, hindsight might be 20/20—and often makes experts out of liars, but I’ve posted a few blogs vying for the attention someone else deserves that prove I’ve loved Chooch from afar (only because of those new stalker laws).

Last May, I even penned some cheesy poetry on his behalf and because my blogs aren’t worth reading the first time, let alone worthy of review, I’ll copy and paste it here (for your convenience):

Ode to Carlos

The guy behind home plate

Hails from another place

Van Halen praised it in a song

Our hero’s home’s in Panama

I’m gonna have that tattooed on my behind.

Trust me, there’s plenty of room.

Honey, does this tattoo make my pants look ass?

When it comes to another player I adore, I’ve often referred to what he does best as The Placido Effect. That’s what happens to me when Polanco wears pinstripes. That guy makes me so breathless I get a side-ache.

Besides his bald head looks like a bowling ball. And I have a thing for bowlers. There’s just something about running my fingers over those smooth ceramic balls that makes me sweat.

I guess that’s why they have those little blowers.

Hold on, my son has a question: “Why does Jayson Werth grow a beard and then shave it off?”

“Because he can,” I said.

My husband looked at him and said, “It’s the same excuse your mom uses.”

Speaking of excuses, the new guy on the block makes none. Mike Sweeney aka Sweeney Mike, cut up the Mets in game one. And when he was tagged “Chevrolet Player of the Game,” he gave credit where credit was due: “Brad Lidge came in and closed the door—as always.”

My husband said, “Sweeney’s played a lot of ball—he hasn’t seen a lot of ball.”

And what’s up with Cole Hamels? It’s like he’s being punked. He had eight no decisions coming into his eighth loss and I don’t know how many of those were due to lack of run support.

I have an underwire from Victoria’s Secret that gives me more support than that.

My husband says nothing gives me that much support.

Hey, at least my boobs make other girls’ boobs look big.

So I’m not a busty woman. Like I always say, I’m Irish—I’m not even human.

In any case, the Phils can’t win ‘em all. If they did that with three guys missing from the lineup, it’d give Ruben Amaro, Jr. a complex—if he doesn’t already have one. He’s been chastised for trading away prospects to get what he could have had in the first place—three top notch pitchers, including one who compLEEtes me.

As a result, Cliff Lee now has some tough Texas company. His mound-mate, Dustin Nippert, was hit in the head by a line drive but stood up simply rubbing his owie.

I’m not saying he’s hard-headed but the ball deflected off his skull and landed in left field. It was almost caught by the outfielder. That’d been a 1-7 putout.

I’ll bet that guy never gets brainfreeze.

Is brainfreeze one word or two? I know, I’ll consult the fictionary.

They say everything’s bigger in Texas. Thank God it didn’t hit him in the crotch. The ball would have landed in the seats. That would’ve made one hell of a souvenir. I wonder if you could get that authenticated. They’d call it an HBD. That’s hit-by…

Well, you get the point.

My husband says I have to wrap this up. He’s hungry and wants to eat at this new place.

Hold on. “Honey, I don’t know if I want to eat at a place called The Eulogy. Are you trying to tell me something?”

He said, “You’re Irish. What do you have to lose?”

He’s lucky he’s a bowler.

See you at the ballpark.

 

Copyright 2010 Flattish Poe all rights reserved.

Catch life one-liner at a time on Twitter.

 

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