MLB Trade Speculation: Phillies Could Find Value in Heath Bell’s Persona, Arm

In just 10.2 seconds, 100 yards, a comical slide and a few divots of Chase Field, and I was sold.

The Phillies need Heath Bell. 

The guy is a complete clown, evidenced no more than his All-Star Weekend antics. Dude perched along the first base fence pregame, doling out obscure mementos and soaking in kids’ awkward responses. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a 14-year-old so horrified of Yoda.

Then he jetted from the bullpen in the eighth, puffing out his kidding chest to the FOX cameraman who raced him for as long as he could before keeling over. (They both did.)

Like watching Usain Bolt wearing a tire against a bionic Tyson Gay.

Priceless.

As could that presence be in the locker room, likely to be stuffy and tense as the second half rolls on.

I’m serious: Think of the pressure looming over this team.

They’re prohibitive favorites to win the pennant, up 3.5 games up on the Braves in the division, and head above the waters of a shallow National League field. Who’s catching them?

Who even thinks anyone can?

They’ve been leveraged as win-now, between the $40 million wrapped up in Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee and Cole Hamels (whose contract expires at year’s end, when he becomes arbitration eligible) and $20 million in Ryan Howard. Ruben Amaro is pressed up against the luxury tax glass, peering through it so hard it’s bound to break.

All those stressors are magnified if it does.

Either way, the Phils’ window doesn’t belong in a McMansion. It would more easily fit in an attic.

And it’s closing.

That pressure is going to go over like Seth Meyers at the ESPY’s: bearable for a while, but more bothersome than anything.

How refreshing would it be, then, to inject character? Not character, like, “company man,” reverent and reliable character. And not Brian Wilson.

More like a boardwalk caricature your Broad Street boppers can laugh with.

You know the team could use it. You don’t get that from cement-faced Halladay and Lee, so stern for so often, you wonder if stoicism triggers something in their contracts. And you don’t want that from Hamels, who’s finally realized ace potential, (even if it’s at No. 3) but whose focus is too tenuous to tamper with.

Howard might charm the pants off a Subway marketing exec, but not this locker room. And with the offense disappointing throughout the spring and early summer, that’s not where you want Howard’s effort. Same goes for Shane Victorino, the closest thing the Phillies have to a top performer who doubles as a jokesmith.

But this isn’t all grounded by some quirky social experiment.  With a 2.46 ERA, 27 strikeouts in 27 save opportunities, only one of which he’s blown, Bell is as sturdy on the mound as any.

He’s even likely to improve. Bell’s ERA tightened up on the road, where he’s thrown a 1.86 in a perfect 15-for-15 save opportunities, struck out 12 and allowed only three runs. And that was for the bottom-scraping Padres, 40-52 and fifth in the National League West.

Imagine what he’d do for a contender, let alone these front-running Phils.

Probably what Matt Holliday did after his 2009 trade from Oakland to St. Louis: Shake a career-worst lull and post the best 63-game stretch of his career in batting average (.353), slugging (.604), and OPS (1.023), the renaissance you expect from guys playing games that mercifully matter.

And I get that there doesn’t seem a vacancy, let alone need, given the crowded bullpen. But there are as many shreds of doubt as suffocating promise, given the youth and fragility.

Nobody trusts or wants Brad Lidge, but have Antonio Bastardo’s 33 first-half innings shown you enough to let Ryan Madson walk in free agency? Has Madson even plead a strong enough case, even after 15-of-16 saves in the first half?

Does Michael Stutes preclude you from stocking yourself with options?

That’s what Bell the player offers: Flexibility. Why not load up on relief pitching if you can, prolonging tough and pricey decisions ’till December?

Like what you see, offer Bell a deal this winter, when his contract expires. Can’t decide between Bell, Madson and Hamels, throw all three in the cart (my suggestion) and check out.

If it doesn’t work, at least you tried.

And tried hard, having acquired a right-handed bat, too. Ryan Ludwick is must-have throw-in to any Heath Bell deal, like shopping at Costco over a few retail outlets. It’s easier, and cheaper, cutting out paperwork and last-second tack-ons you’d find at multiple stops.

At worst, there would be only one.

That might mean Vance Worley, who I’d shield over “Baby Aces” Jared Cosart, Trevor May or Brodie Colvin. But this deal needs to happen, even if it’s expensive.

That’s a price you eat, given Amaro’s prevailing corporate strategy. Major League Baseball Network could feature Ruben Amaro in the Hoarders: Front-Office Edition premier, this team is so now-loaded.

I’ve lobbied for tempering short- and long-term strategies closer toward the middle, fortifying the 2011 roster but leaving plenty left for later.

But that’s not how this team has been built. And Amaro, according to Jayson Stark on 97.5 The Fanatic yesterday, is already more-than-flirting with bringing in Bell, who’s already warm to the city and compatible with the locker room.

And the fans long had their minds made, wanting what they want, right-handed batting and relief pitching, and now.

As for the punchline, personified, with a 95 m.p.h. follow-up?

Something’s telling me they’ll live with that, too.

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