Determining Major League Baseball NLDS Winners by Cultural Superiority
We already broke down the ALDS by cultural superiority and now it’s time for the NLDS.
We decided to look at eight metrics to determine cultural superiority. The categories we chose are purposefully general, to give us the opportunity to compare on a level playing field. They are: City Nicknames, Average Ballpark Attendance, Popular Food Offerings, Famous Musicians, Songs About the City, Famous Actors, TV Shows Set in the City, Beer.
PHILADELPHIA AND ST. LOUIS
City Nicknames
Philly: City of Brotherly Love
St. Louis: Gateway to the West, The Lou
Winner: The Lou? Is that serious? That’s what people call the toilet. Philly.
Average Ballpark Attendance
Philly: 45,440, 104.1 percent capacity (first in the league)
St. Louis: 38,196, 86.9 percent capacity (sixth in the league)
Winner: Philly.
Popular Food Offerings
Philly: Cheese Steak, Roast Pork, Soft Pretzels
St. Louis: Barbeque. And did you know St. Louis claims to have invented Peanut Butter?
Winner: Philly. It’s not close.
Famous Musicians
Philly: Chubby Checker, Frankie Avalon, Jimmy Darren, Fabian, Bobby Rydell, Patti LaBelle, The Delfonics, The Stylistics and The Spinners, Teddy Pendergrass, Hall and Oates, Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff, Boyz II Men, The Roots, Eve and glam band Cinderella just to name a few.
St. Louis: Fontella Bass, Chuck Berry, Sheryl Crow, Michael McDonald, Ike Turner, Tina Turner, Akon, Nelly.
Winner: If this was the ’60s it would be tough. Chuck Berry, the Turners, Fontella Bass? Wow, that’s an incredible list. But the Philly oldies are just as good, plus ’90s stars like Will Smith and Boyz II Men. More recently, The Lou is putting Akon and Nelly up against the Roots? The Roots?
Winner: Philly.
Songs About The City
Philly: You’ve heard all these: “Streets of Philadelphia” by Bruce Springsteen, “Philadelphia Freedom” by Elton John, “Motown Philly” by Boyz II Men, “Summertime” by Will Smith. Have you heard this by James Taylor and Mark Knopfler:
St. Louis: Nelly did a song about his hometown. Jewel did something about St. Louis too. But how can we not put this one…
Winner: Philly in a landslide.
Famous Actors
Philly: Will Smith, Bradley Cooper, Kat Dennings, Kim Delaney, Kevin Bacon, Seth Green, Richard Gere, which I admit I never knew, Rob McElhenney, Blythe Danner, Holland Taylor, Linda Fiorentino, Bob Saget, Kelly Monaco, John Doman of The Wire, Kate Flannery of The Office, Gary Dourdan, Danny Bonaduce, David Boreanez, Grace Kelly, Jack Klugman and Bill Cosby. And that’s just a few of the names I found.
St. Louis: Does St. Louis have the edge here? No, but it’s not a bad list, including John Hamm, John Goodman, Kevin Kline, Robert Guillaume, Vincent Price, Redd Foxx, Scott Bakula, Linda Blair, Nell Carter, Kate Capshaw and Fred “Re-Run” Berry headline the list. Yes, Re-Run from What’s Happening.
Winner: Philly.
TV Shows Set in the City
Philly: There are a lot of shows set in and around Philly, including dramas like Cold Case, Body of Proof, Thirtysomething, plus long-running soaps like All My Children and One Life to Live. But seriously, do I need to go beyond Boy Meets World, It’s Always Sunny and Fat Albert?
St. Louis: After MASH, The Baxters and The John Larroquette Show, it’s depressing. There has to be something I’ve missed. Where did Alf take place? California? Darn.
Winner: Philadelphia.
Beer
There are a ton of great microbrews in both, but we’re sticking with the big names.
Philly:, Yuengling. America’s oldest brewery.
St. Louis: The entire Anheuser-Busch enterprise. Oh, wait, aren’t they owned by a Belgian company now?
Winner: Philly.
Cultural Superiority: 8-0 Philly. And I swear it has nothing to do with where I live.
MILWAUKEE AND PHOENIX
City Nicknames
Milwaukee: According to this, a lot: Brew City, Milwacky, Miltown, Mildoggy, Ma-waukee, Cream City, Milburg, The Mil, Mill-e-wah-que.
Phoenix: Valley of the Sun
Winner: More fun to say? Mill-e-wah-que.
Average Ballpark Attendance
Milwaukee: 37,918, 90.5 percent capacity (seventh in the league)
Phoenix: 25,992, 53.4 percent capacity (18th in the league)
Winner: Brew Crew.
Popular Food Offerings
Milwaukee: Um…they have a race, every game, between various sausages. This cannot be topped.
Phoenix: By all accounts, the food in Phoenix is really good. Still, Mexican/Southwest food or Brats?
Winner: Brats and other encased meats.
Famous Musicians
Milwaukee: Other than Al Jarreau, it’s almost hard to call any of these people famous. Well, Gordon Gano, the lead singer of the Violent Femmes. Other than that, it’s the bassist for Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, the keyboardist for Talking Heads and Speech from Arrested Development. Fun fact: Speech toured with Al Gore during the 1996 presidential campaign.
Phoenix: A pretty good list of names, including Jimmy Eat World, Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, Dierks Bentley, Michelle Branch, Glen Campbell, The Gin Blossoms, Stevie Nicks, Linda Rondstadt, Jordin Sparks and Tanya Tucker.
Winner: Phoenix.
Songs About The City
Milwaukee: According to this post, there really aren’t any. Other than this glorious piece of television history.
Phoenix: There are a lot of songs about Phoenix and Arizona (mostly Arizona). Which would give me more street cred, embedding Wilco’s “Hotel Arizona” or Kings of Leon’s “Arizona“? I went Wilco.
Winner: Arizona.
Famous Actors
Milwaukee: It’s an odd list for Milwaukee, including Heather Graham, Gene Wilder, Jane Kaczmarek, Spencer Tracy and of course, Bob Uecker. I used to watch Mr. Belvedere every single day.
Phoenix: As surprisingly good Arizona was with music, it’s that bad with TV. Linda Carter, who was the original Wonder Woman, is from there. That’s…about it.
Winner: Milwaukee.
TV Shows Set in the City
Milwaukee: Two of the greatest sitcoms of all time: Happy Days and Laverne & Shirley, until they ruined it by sending them to California for the last few seasons.
Phoenix: Alice. That’s it. That’s the list. And even she wasn’t planning to go to Phoenix until her car broke down and she had to get a job as a waitress at Mel’s diner. Alice was a good show in its own right, but not quite as good as Laverne & Shirley. Nothing was as good as Happy Days.
Winner: Fonz.
Beer
Milwaukee: The Brewers play in Miller Park. Does the mascot still slide down into the giant beer when someone hits a home run?
Phoenix: It’s a little unfair because I have no clue what beer they drink in Phoenix. Is it all microbrews? If anyone knows the most popular beer, leave it in the comments.
Winner: Their name is Brewers. They win.
Cultural Superiority: 6-2 Milwaukee. I thought it would be closer.
So there you have the National League winners. Maybe the best teams have the best area culture too.
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