Chase Utley Is Advised by Group of Best Doctors: Update

The countdown is on to Opening Day. Expectations have never been higher in the entire 121 year history of Philadelphia professional baseball. Behind four of the top pitchers in the game in Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Roy Oswalt and Cole Hamels and a lineup that features two former MVPs and perennial and potential All-Stars.

The Phightin’s have won four straight National League East titles. They have appeared in three straight National League Championship Series, (NLCS) winning two of them, had the best record in the entire Major Leagues last year at 97-65 and won the World Series in 2008.

The most anticipated season ever is set to begin, and Philadelphia finally has the team to beat. We are now (finally) the Yankees (WITHOUT selling our souls to the devil.)

Then why has the attitude in Philadelphia gone from excited to anxiety? Whether it is the injuries to Dominick Brown or Brad Lidge or the potential ineffectiveness of the lineup, Philly Nation’s confidence has grown into a legitimate concern.

Then there is Chase Utley, one of the most beloved Philadelphia athletes of all time. He has been battling patellar tendinitis, chondromalacia and bone inflammation in his right knee and he will begin the season on the DL. Many pundits believe that this is a smoke-screen and he will require surgery that may sideline him for the majority of the year.

Utley said on Monday, “Over the past few weeks I think we have made some progress for obviously the good and we’re going to stay on top of what we’ve been doing. So I’m optimistic at this point and we’ll continue to do what we’re doing and go from there.”

Utley said he has consulted with several doctors, and the opinions they have offered have varied. This is extremely good news for fans, as they want Utley to exhaust every possible option he has in the hope of their best player being able to be a part of what could be a historic season.

The best thing about all of this is that many of the doctors suggestions were in the best interest of Philadelphia and its fans.

Here is what the top doctors in America have suggested that Utley should do for his knee.

1. “Chase, I would recommend you have the leg amputated and play second base with a peg-leg, thus increasing your longevity and the likelihood of taking out middle-infielders on potential double play balls.”

2. “Chase, you should take some of Joe Blanton’s excess (you know) and insert it right into the knee cap to increase comfort.”

3. “Chase should borrow Carlos Ruiz’s knee-savers, because he can wear them in the field as well as at the plate. They will not only help him “save” his knees, but also may become a fashion trend in baseball.”

4. “Chase actually should play second base while sitting on a stool, as he has done in Spring Training.

5. “Chase, the Phillies should invest in a Tempurpedic mattress for you to lay on at second base during games started by Halladay, Hamels, Oswalt or Lee as they will continue to dominate as they always have. Leg elevation would be best as well.”  

The same doctor called back this morning and was reported as saying:

6. “Upon further review Chase, the mattress idea would work for Blanton as well. You should be as comfortable as possible watching balls sail over the fence.”

7. “Chase, the peg-leg idea is the way to go as it can double as a leg and a baseball bat.”

8. “Do whatever Jamie Moyer is doing.”

9. “Stop crying, Philadelphia loves warriors.”

10. “Retire and let Brian Dawkins play second base, as he has been tweeting daily about his desire  to return to Philly.”

There you have it folks, some of the best doctors in America when it comes to knees and their suggestions for how Utley’s injury should be handled.

Soon to come, Joe Blanton and two dozen donuts are rumored to be on the move to the Yankees for a danish to be named later.

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