World Series Game Two: Great Blogs of Fire

So, we tasted the agony of defeat.

 

Actually, it’s quite good on toast.

 

You could say I’m making light of the fact that the PA team focused on a World Series repeat came up short.

 

You’re right.

 

And you could say the Game Two loss to the Bombers was like a kick in the balls.

 

But you’re wrong.

 

My husband took it in the groin by an eight inch tree truck. And trust me, Thursday’s loss feels nothing like it. His crotch looks like a cast iron kettle, and he still talks like Peter Pan, but the flip side is, he could have been dead.

 

Let’s face it, the Phillies simply lost—but they didn’t die. But like my husband, people are getting a lot of mileage from the fact that they’re still alive but took a big hit.

 

In honor of them both, I’ll try to keep my innuendos to a minimum.

 

Really.

 

First things first. In yet another postseason game, the umpires blew some calls. That’s to be expected. There were only what—16 of them on the field, including the one with perfect vision? Besides umping can’t be hard…

 

My husband says neither can he.

 

Whoa. Did I just say that?

 

My personal opinion is Pedro Martinez pitched a great game. A.J. Burnett just pitched a bit better. There were so many strikeouts—12 by the Phil’s and 11 by the Yanks—that by the eighth inning Tim McCarver was announcing K’s like he was calling a local bingo game.

 

I think it was also McCarver who called A.J. Burnett, “Beckett”. I can understand how Burnett wouldn’t stick out in anyone’s mind. He’s the guy who once pitched a no-hitter while he walked nine and hit a guy. But last night he didn’t miss a first pitch strike, until Chase Utley took the plate in the third. Then he earned his first postseason win, and was named Player of the Game.

 

When things are that hot, I can understand calling someone by the wrong name.

 

Not that I’ve ever done that.

 

And I’ll admit, I’m a huge fan of the pitch count. I think 100 hurls is all an arm can physically deliver, so I would’ve pulled Pedro Martinez after the sixth. Too much of a good thing will make you blind, you know.

 

Hmm, now we know what those umps have been doing.

 

And I’d like to pass blame on what went horribly wrong, but I believe a 1-3 loss is a close game. The teams were so close in total hits, walks, strikeouts, team RISPs, and runners left on base, that if just one of those stats would have tipped the other way, the Phils would be up in the series instead of tied.

 

What if A-Rod would have ended his O-fer streak in the first? Or Raul Ibanez would have missed that spectacular diving catch in the second? Or Pedro Martinez wouldn’t have quick pitched Derek Jeter to a K in the third?

 

Or what if Jayson Werth wouldn’t have been picked off in the fourth? Or the Carlos Ruiz fly ball would have landed in an empty seat instead of banging off the wall in the fifth? Or Hideki Matsui would have failed to give New York their first lead of the series in the sixth?

 

Or what if Charlie would have gone to the bullpen at the start of the seventh? Or they’d have sent the runners early on Utley’s eighth inning hit to avoid a double play? Or what if Matt Stairs would have hit something besides the Chinese buffet before the game?

 

But aside from suppositions, what’s the actual difference between the Game One 6-1 win and the Game Two 3-1 loss?

 

The Yankee bullpen. Burnett pitched better than expected on Thursday, limiting the damage by his team’s relievers to zero casualties. Pitching A.J. Burnett on a great day followed by Mariano Rivera on any given day, is a one-two punch greater than my husband took in the groin.

 

Okay, maybe just figuratively.

 

So after the loss, I felt like a lot of fans thought 2012 couldn’t come quick enough. But I look at it simply as a speed hump. And I was always a big fan of those. It’s what happens in a parked car on a cold winter’s night. Then you sneak back into the party and hope nobody noticed. Except the next day word gets around before you even get to school.

 

That’s how the Phillies must feel. They were hoping to sneak back into town undetected. But when they picked up their morning paper…Shazam. There they were—Frillies.

 

But they’re not losers. The last time I checked, the Phillies led the national league in runs, home runs, and RBI; they won the pennant for two consecutive years for the first time in franchise history, and were tied in this series one game to one. Let me check again.

 

Yup. Shipshape.

 

So while Charlie Manuel’s Phightins continue to post wins against Joe Girardi’s Bronx, I’ll take it upon myself to keep Phillie spirit intact against the big apple of original sin.

 

And in honor of my husband’s involuntary embracing of restraint, I’ll refrain from further innuendos today.

 

But remember, it’s a tough world out there.

 

Wear your cup.

 

Go Phils!

 

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World Series Game One: I Can Be Jayson Werth Too

Not only does Cliff Lee compLEEte me, he pulled another compLEEte game out of his hat. His domination of the team with the best record in the majors, the most home runs, and the highest payroll was something out of a storybook.

 

Hey, they should act that out on Broadway.

 

Wait, they are.

 

The stories surrounding Game One of this seven game magic act included a woman who tried to trade her body for tickets. Now that’s a fan. They better recruit her for that Phillies‘ cheerleading squad.

 

All the hype in the 28 pages of pre-series coverage in the “Phillie” Inquirer could be reduced to three things: Brett Myers fixed a mechanical error, Shane Victorino was fitted for a skirt by the New York Post, and Cliff Lee and CC Sabathia are pen pals.

 

But the conclusion of this Cy Young faceoff was just what the Phillies ordered.

 

The recap of this game is easy. In his first at-bat, Chase Utley reached base for the 26th consecutive time in the postseason, and then did it again… and again. He showed his efficiency by going for the long ball—just like Jayson Werth did in Game Five of the NLCS. And just like Jayson, he did it twice just to prove it wasn’t a fluke. Then everyone except Pedro Feliz made it to base.

 

Six runs later, Yankees fans sat down.

 

Unfortunately CC Sabathia and the Yankee bullpen had a hard time finding the teenie, tiny strike zone but that’s not something that bothered Lee.

 

Lee wasn’t nervous and I thought he made that quite clear in the postgame. As we say in Iowa, “The hay’s in the barn.” He’d spent his whole life preparing for this.

 

That’s impressive. I’m not even prepared for house guests. Hell, I just called my child by my dog’s name.

 

Then Lee hotdogged it up. He yawned during his pop fly catch on the mound and made a behind-the-back snatch that kept a ball from slipping through the middle for a hit.

 

Are we having fun yet?

 

So, when you have a pitcher like Lee who allows only six hits throughout a complete game with 10 strikeouts, no earned runs, and nabs Player of the Game, what do your fielders do?

 

Not much. The only options are basically to cheer, and ignore the fans in the stands. Personally, I’d fart. That’s right. I’d pass gas right out there in the grass and hope someone had a thermo-camera-thingy so they could see the red flames pass from my… well, keester.  Now that’s something I’d like to see on the cover of the New York Post.

 

Hey, gas, grass, or ass—nobody writes for free.

 

In the end Fox came through and blew Cliffy’s shutout by jinxing him with all that talk about… well, shutouts. I had pains of how they tried to blow saves for Brad Lidge in the 2008 Series by talking about his perfect save season.

 

Shut up!

 

But they should have known better. They tried to curse Utley by mentioning that he was a good two strike hitter just before he hit his second dinger. But Chase believes, “If you say it, it will come.” With his stone cold conviction, I’ll bet he still believes in Santa. He’s damn near managed by him.

 

I just think it’s sad how the commentators only talk about the team that’s ahead. By the sixth inning, Derek Jeter’s Yankee hit record or the games won with and without A-Rod were old news. And before we knew it Jayson Werth was touted as the best athlete on the team.

 

Hey, Cliff, you hear that? How’s that for a kick in the all-around pants. But they were discounting contributions on a regular basis last night. They even said Ryan Howard was the MVP of the NLCS but Alex Rodriguez could have been the MVP of the ALCS…

 

Wait. Do they compare apples to oranges in the big apple? I’ll bet that statement makes Sabathia feel all warm and fuzzy. That guy pitches on short rest and they’re already discounting his MVP award. He might as well pee his pants in the dark—it’ll give him a warm feeling but no one will ever notice.

 

I’m actually surprised I didn’t hear anyone whine that this should have been a series between the Dodgers and the Yankees. I guess sore sports do know boundaries.

 

So, shutouts, shut ups, or sit downs, the most important thing is the Game One winner has gone on to win the World Series for the past six years.

 

Let’s make that seven.

 

Go Phils!

 

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Twas the Night Before Christmas and Charlie Manuel Is Santa

Twas the night before Christmas…

 

At least that’s what it feels like because the anticipation is killing me. But not in the way that little kids lie awake with giddiness at what Santa will bring.

 

This is the anxiety of a parent who hopes she came close to fulfilling a kid’s wishes on a limited budget to extend the belief in a childhood hero for yet another year.

 

But she won’t know until it’s over.

 

I imagine the Phillies are feeling the same way. Even when faced with a second consecutive World Series appearance, it’s almost a moot point to point to last year’s achievements.

 

We entered the 2008 Series playing underdog to a Cinderella team. This year we’re told we shouldn’t have bothered to try out—Hollywood’s Dodgers should have taken us out of contention like a blockbuster up against a lame comedy.

 

It’s like we’re the movie extra that got a spot because the star came down sick.

 

Do we dare dream of repeating?

 

I will. I’ve got sugar plums dancing in my head.

 

My husband says that’s not the only thing dancing in my head.

 

But sugar plums? Let’s be honest. No one really knows what a sugar plum is or does. I mean that could be secret code for dropping acid or something like Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds .

 

And for years we’ve recited that beloved Christmas poem to kids on the night before a hairy fat man dressed in bright velvet scurries down a chimney to drop presents they wanted from a list he’s never seen.

 

What did parents used to take before they settled down for that long winter’s nap?

 

All I know is, in my world, visions of Shane Victorino dance in my head. And if Shane is made of sugar, I’m gonna find out how many licks it takes to get to the middle.

 

I’m sorry, was I thinking out loud?

 

It’s not my fault. I was just folding up my Jayson Werth blanket and got stuck in a hallucination about the Ladies Day giveaway at Citizens Bank Park next year.

 

I suggest the Jayson Werth thong. It would hug my hips so nice and cozy that the next time he steals home I could say I knew him in a biblical sense, and I’d only be half faking it.

 

My husband says he knows how that feels.

 

But like Carly Simon says, anticipation is making me wait. It’s as nerve-racking as watching my child start at second base for the first time. It’s knowing what the worst can be, but hoping for the best.

 

I still remember when my baby got his first force-out at second. For weeks we’d tried to convince him that when the shortstop fielded a ball, second base should be covered by, well—the second baseman.

 

So, of course, the inevitable happened. In the bottom of the ninth with two outs and the tying run on first, the shortstop fielded a grounder. But when position six turned to second base, we did exactly what he did—held our breath hoping my son wasn’t chasing butterflies.

 

But amazingly, the child I had just told to get his finger out of his nose was posed on second, foot abutting the base, glove raised to accommodate a throw. Simple toss, simple out; game over.

 

My child’s eyes—how they twinkled, his teammates how merry…

 

It was one play in a game of plays. It was one out in a game of outs. It was one child in a game of chance. It was a moment in time that will live forever in my mind.

 

So, no matter what happens on Wednesday night, it will be just like Christmas to a mom. Instead of opening presents, I will embark on a journey of collecting moments. A World Series appearance to me is simply an extension of time to collect them. And I will sit on my couch with my child under my arm and point out everything that exists about the great game of baseball and the team we call the Phightin’ Phils.

 

With players conditioned and swift

A course as defined as a Christmas list

And a skipper who looks like Saint Nick

This series will be a hit.

 

Sorry for the cheesy poetry—I just couldn’t help myself. This time of year always does that to me.

 

Go Phils!

 

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Time Is on Jayson Werth’s Side

Last week the lady behind the counter at Wawa told me people are always nice when the sun shines and the Phillies win.

 

Well, it’s a great time to work at Wawa.

 

And a perfect time to be a Phillies’ fan. I’ve only lived here a few years but I remember vividly the scorching summer day in 2007 when I walked into my sister’s house and announced, “I heard the Phils can sweep the Mets today and we have to be there.”

 

The eerie part was I don’t know where that came from. Sure I grew up in a household with a faith based strongly on sports, and my dad had a city league softball team for most of my youth, but something moved me that day. And when those words escaped from my mouth (without a few choice ones that come from the potty) I knew the Phillies had entered my soul.

 

Since then, my sister has supplied me with enough season tickets to make attending games a part-time job.

 

And she gave me my birthday present early. Yesterday I read my very own subscription of the Philadelphia Inquirer . How fitting that the front page was plastered with Jayson Werth, the man who earned a place in more of my posts than any other and was smeared across the blanket that wrapped around me in section 131 as the Phillies clinched the series.

 

And how fitting that, in my first very own Inquirer , I counted 12 pages of NLCS coverage. My only question is, is 12 pages enough?

 

The fact is it’s packed with so much team news and stats I’m going to change the name to The Phillie Inquirer .

 

As I read the pages, one thing became evident: Game Five proved that even if all we have left is the audacity to hope, it’s still hope.

 

For example, Cole Hamels squelched the life from the crowd by falling to 3-0 in the very first count but then earned a K. It was obvious the ace was in trouble when he’d thrown 75 pitches after only four innings, and I was about to kick his butt when he threw back-to-back changeups to Andre Ethier that stabbed me with déjà vu like that third consecutive changeup Manny Ramirez released into the seats in Game One.

But then he redeemed himself with a fastball followed by a strike three changeup. Sure he gave up three home runs on 94 pitches over only 4 1/3 innings, but all of it is such yesterday’s news that I can’t even find out what pitch he was throwing that didn’t work.  

 

Poor Chase Utley was 0 for 4 with two backwards K’s, one forward one, and a ground out. As a mom my first instinct was to take his temperature. But the walk he drew tied the record of 25 consecutive times on base in the postseason and made it all better.

 

Jayson Werth-it had a postseason average below .080 when he stepped to the plate for the first time in Game Five but then hit a three-run home run with two outs on a full count. And just to prove it wasn’t a performance issue, he hit one out in the seventh. But as if we’re all Zen masters, his previous postseason shortcomings were forgotten faster than it takes Cialis to work.

 

Rocking Ryan Howard settled for a tie with Lou Gehrig for eight consecutive postseason RBI by failing to earn one on Wednesday, but that MVP award makes everything else a slow news day.

 

And don’t even get me started on the bullpen. Okay, you did. When No. 37 ran in from the bullpen, we didn’t know if it’d be “Disturbin Durbin” or the “Durbinator” throwing pitches. But not only did he earn the win, he got another nickname. A guy behind us called him, “Chad Lidge.”

 

Of course we were hoping the Chan Ho Park that earned a spot as a great long reliever in the regular season would step to the mound with that same dynamic style. But my husband calls him CHP for a reason—not for his initials, for his inconsistency. Well, “Can He Pitch,” bailed himself out of the eighth after giving up only one.

 

But when Mad Dog Madson started missing the strike zone like a bad skeeball game, could we continue to consider a six run lead a safety zone? Well, I have a holiday plate that has a piece of mistletoe and a sleigh bell painted just about the word, “Believe.” And it’s not just talking about Santa Claus.

 

Lights Out ran in from the bullpen to a different song Wednesday night—one that still sounds like it was sung by Metallica. And we all know Metallica is its own band, just like Lidge is his own man. He accepted responsibility for his shortcomings all season as well as remained humble with his achievements, but I don’t think I was the only one holding my breath in the ninth.

 

Again hope prevailed.

 

Late in the game, Charlie Manuel came to the mound to the lyrics from, “Dance Like a Freak,” and looked like one when he broke into a jog back to the dugout (losing all that weight didn’t make him light on his feet). But he addressed the crowd after the win like his tongue was on steroids. Charlie will tell you, baseball is a game of 27 outs and he plays every one of them.

 

So, hope that Game Five would finish with a 4-1 series win was evident even from the start. A spirit of celebration filled the stands before the first pitch was ever thrown, and even persisted through the noxious gas someone continued to pass in row 24. I considered it just another way people in the City of Brotherly Love like to share.

 

And could the city be witnessing the best Phillies team ever? Is it too early to say that Ruben Amaro, Jr. successfully expanded on the consistently winning picks of Pat Gillick to put the frosting on the 2008 World Series cake to create a Philadelphia phenomenon? Could our kids be watching a team so dominant that a new era of Philadelphia baseball has emerged?

 

We all know winning two straight pennants, earning unprecedented back-to-back World Series appearances, and setting the record of winning 16 of 20 NL postseason games takes time. It takes patience and time. It’s a primordial soup of recruiting, scouting, practicing, discussing, planning, managing, and luck. But really, it all comes down to executing.

 

Now we have seven days to savor the execution of this one. And seven days to discuss, debate, plan, pray, prepare, and predict.

 

But for a city that loves its sports, is seven days enough time?

 

I’ll let you know on Wednesday.

 

Go Phils!

 

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Philadelphia Phillies: Can They Have Their Cake and Eat It Too?

This was the last stat I saw on the Phil’s odds of winning this series: In NLCS history, 20-of-29 teams that led the series 2-1 went on to win.

 

Those are good stats. Better than mine. My numbers make me a goddess in like some other universe—one where the ratio of guys to girls is 10 to 1. And every guy is snow-blind.

 

Hey, aren’t those are the odds in Alaska? No wonder Sarah Palin is so popular. She has big boobs and can group words together to make a sentence. She struggles with logical thought, but no one’s even noticed. She’s living proof that after eight years of No Child Left Behind, we’ve eliminated the need for reasoning altogether.

 

Whoa, did I just say that?

 

Hey, everything there is to be said about the Phils has already been said, so I might as well drag Sarah into it. Why not? She wants to be a part of everything else. I heard she even offered to speak on behalf of New Jersey gubernatorial candidate Chris Christie.

 

New Jersey? Isn’t that a continent?

 

No, but I think I can see it from here.

 

Enough of that. Let’s hit the highlight reel.

 

Remember this line in the first inning: “(Randy) Wolf allowed only one home run in the regular season.”

 

Well, welcome to Citizens Bank Park.

 

Just a few pitches later, Ryan Howard sent a long ball over the CBP wall that gave him and Jimmy Rollins the right to prance across the plate to put the Phillies on the board in the first, up by two. And it gave Wolf a dinger for his postseason stats as well. I love efficiency.

 

Then for the first three innings, we saw Joe Blanton as the workhorse. As I’ve said before, even the Amish are looking at him. But he looks more like he belongs in a starring role of Knocked Up than on a major league mound throwing pitches. And with Andre Ethier, Manny Ramirez, and James Loney stacked up in the lineup with a history of success against him, he definitely had a long row to hoe.

 

In the fourth, with his zone getting smaller and smaller as home plate umpire Ted Barrett suffered from tunnel vision (don’t even get me started on the officiating), I thought Charlie Manuel might go to the pen. Even Joe Torre knows you can’t swing at Joe Lumber when he’s low, but if you take that part of the zone away, what’s left is something that gets hit into play. And that’s what happened to Matt Kemp in the fifth.

 

Dodgers up by one.

 

But then in the sixth, Shane Victorino showed off with a stand-up triple, becoming an RISP for Stone Cold Chase Utley to use as an RBI and shake Wolf’s confidence with Howard coming to the plate. Howard was there to prove that falling for the breaking ball is a thing of the past when he walked and closed the door on Wolf’s night after only 88 pitches. Chalk another one up for Little Ryan Riding Howard.

 

Then, as if it wasn’t bad enough that Blanton had to face Manny Ramirez with a man on base in the seventh, Ethier’s blocked stolen base attempt gave Manny the chance to foil the Phil’s hopes again in the eighth against Ryan Madson. If Mad Dog has his eye on the closing position, he’s definitely following in the footsteps of Brad Lidge by creating nail-biters. I know he started and ended the eighth with a K, but does he have to give me agita in between?

 

Bottom of the eighth. Note to self—kill Sherrill. I also found out my kid can hide a peanut in his bellybutton. If that’s the case, I’ll bet Jonathan Broxton could lose a pretzel stick in his. At least his sideburns are slendering.

 

Then the ninth. When’s the last time we saw Brad Lidge come in to not only close the game, but to bail out Scotty Eyre? I’m not gonna blow a gasket looking for that stat, but I will say this: It’s refreshing to see Lidge as the Lights Out Lord instead of the Two-Run Ruin.

 

An 18-minute top of the ninth could definitely be blamed for Broxton’s meltdown. If it was planned, it was strategic. And speaking of bellybuttons, I’ll bet Matt Stairs could hide a hot dog in his. Stairs was as instrumental in busting Broxton’s balls in this year’s Game Four as he was in last year’s. Stairs’ base on balls set Eric Bruntlett on base to pinch run and to become the first of two runs needed to win on Jimmy’s line drive to right. If Broxton’s 100 mph fastball can’t ensure a game, who ya gonna call?

 

We know that feeling. The Phillies go-to guy blew 11 saves this year.

 

So the wavering strike zone soon forgotten, the Phillies sit as pretty as the Yankees going into Game Five. What are the odds they win?

 

With Rollins playing a dual role as the lead-off batter and the walk-off hero, Howard vying to break Lou Gehrig’s consecutive RBI postseason record, Victorino and the boys sugaring the field with hits, and Charlie so thin we can almost see his chin, can we possibly check Game Five off the list?

 

It depends on who says this the loudest: “I want it.”

 

And Cole Hamels will be responsible for the “I”. Personally, I haven’t been impressed with Hamels’ performance this season and that goes for more than just his hurling. I know he pitched 227 innings in the 2008 regular season and he could be suffering from a phenomenon coined by a Sports Illustrated writer whose name now escapes me.

 

I also know his performance last year earned him his first juicy major league contract and a condo in Liberty Place that has a view of Citizens Bank Park for that new baby of his, but I also know games are won one pitch at a time—not by getting frustrated, and whining and apologizing about it later.

 

Both Pedro Martinez and Cliff Lee proved that maintaining your cool and keeping hitters off kilter is key. Hopefully Hamels comes to the park Wednesday night ready to drop the ‘tude and use his changeup as the frosting on the cake instead of the batter.

 

Here’s hoping the Phillies can have their cake and eat it too.

 

See you at the ballpark.

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Philadelphia-Los Angeles, Game Three: Cliff, That Showing Was Just Love-Lee

By the end of the fifth inning with the Phillies up by eight, I was thinking, this game can’t be over fast enough . But after the eighth, when the home team added three more to the score, the Dodgers were thinking the same thing.

 

The signs said it all.

 

“City of BrotherLEE Love”

“UnbeLEEvable”

“We BeLEEve”

 

But like Bill Engvall says, “Here’s my sign…”

 

“You compLEEte me.”

 

By the time Cliff Lee came out to bat in the eighth, he had pitched so effectiveLEE that he could have flipped the fans the bird and not fallen from grace. In the postgame Lee was humble, mentioning that Manny seemed to give him a little trouble…

 

Manny who?

 

Lee put the kibosh to LA’s plans to score like a custom-made chastity belt. He closed a chapter on LA with double digit K’s, no free passes, and only three hits over eight innings. At 114 pitches, I think he earned the right to watch the last three outs from the bench.

 

And let’s hear it for Chad Durbin. If he keeps this up, I’ll have to change his nickname from “Disturbin’ Durbin” to “The Durbinator.” Before you know it, he’s gonna want a part in an action movie and an Austrian accent.

 

The key to the game was getting to Hiroki Kuroda early. The Phils had the Dodger bullpen stirring by the time Jayson Werth slugged a two-run dinger in the first to put the game one winner ahead by four. Then the lineup hit for the cycle in the first eight batters and Kuroda was gone by the second. I thought only I could make someone flee a room that fast.

 

If there was any doubt about a Phil’s recovery from the game two disaster, read my last blog. I knew the Phillies I’d seen all season would bounce back, and they did—with major contributions. The players pooled their resources like a midwest potluck.

 

Ryan Howard set a major league record with an RBI in seven consecutive postseason games and Carlos Ruiz is finally getting the league respect he deserves. I’ve even heard Ruiz called the quarterback of this team.

After the Sunday Eagles loss to the Raiders, I’ll bet Andy Reid has him on his radar too. But the biggest complement for the Panamanian was to group him with Yadier Molina as one of the two best catchers in the league.

 

Welcome to the show, Chooch.

 

Pedro Feliz even broke his series hitless streak with a ball that bounced off the wall. With one swing he earned himself a multiple base hit and checks in the columns for an H, an R, and an RBI. Now that’s efficiency.

 

And Shane Victorino was on fire. Unfortunately the TBS production team chose him for something they called the Inside Track . That’s picking one player to wear a microphone. Little did they know Shane doesn’t speak in complete sentences—he doesn’t even speak in complete syllables.

But it doesn’t matter. As the top Phillies batter, he was 2 for 3 with a home run, two walks, three RBI, and a stolen base. Whew, I’d hate to see what happens when you feed that guy sugar.

 

At one point it looked like Chad Billingsley would lay a hurt on the Phightin’s. From the last third of the second inning all the way through the fourth, it appeared as though we’d had our fun. But when he gave up two more runs in the fifth, Joe Torre pulled from the pen again.

It would take two more pitchers giving up another three runs before the game was stopped, halting the Phillie offensive like bad breath on a blind date.

 

Well, with a 2-1 series lead, Joe Blanton has his work cut out for him. Pedro Martinez showed what a veteran postseason pitcher can do, Cliff Lee showed what a first-time postseason pitcher can do, and now Blanton needs to show what a second-time postseason pitcher can do.

 

And I need to think of a new sign. Unfortunately, “You compJOEte me,” doesn’t quite sound right.

 

Back to the drawing board.

 

Go Phils!

 

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Philadelphia Phillies-Los Angeles Dodgers Game Two: Checkmate

One morning my kid wandered into the kitchen half asleep and accidentally sent my favorite coffee mug to its demise on my hard ceramic tiles. Okay, accidents happen. But this wasn’t just any mug. This was a 32-ounce monstrous work of art I earned from an overpriced jousting show at the Excalibur in Las Vegas on one of our rare real vacations.

My first instinct was to flip, scream, holler, squawk, or fume, but forcing out my frustration through my potty mouth usually only results in something dribbling into my panties. So, I said the only thing that the powers-to-be would have allowed.

 

“Stuff happens.”

 

That’s exactly what the moral is to the NLCS game two loss to the Dodgers.

 

“Stuff happens.” Checkmate.

 

Seinfeld had one word that summoned up his dislike of the despicable USPS employee that lived next door.

 

Newman .

 

I’m sure Jayson Werth will join me in changing that to, “Padilla .”

 

How can you anticipate a curve ball that’s 40 mph slower than the preceding fast ball? Victorino broke out laughing because that’s all you can do—and hope he never throws that again. Or does it three times in a row like the changeups Cole Hamels threw to Manny Ramirez in game one to prepare him for hitting a home run.

 

But stuff happens. I don’t think Pedro Feliz missed fielding that ball for lack of effort, I don’t think Chan Ho Park had a chance at that one-in-a-million bunt, and I don’t think the second error in as many NLCS games by Chase Utley was totally his fault.

 

Like Joe Torre said, “I’d like to have (Utley’s) problem.” He’s one of the best players in baseball. I think the ghost of former Dodger, Steve Sax, was screwing with him. Sax was a great second baseman who regrettably ended his career unable to throw accurately to anywhere. Matter-of-fact when he retired, he was turned down for a paper route.

 

Or maybe the problem is Ryan Howard is shrinking. He’s probably going through male menopause. If that’s the case, I have some tips for him: take black cohash, and when you come back to Philly for the next three games, count your blessings for those hot flashes.

 

What we need is a first baseman with the disease like the one Abe Lincoln had where he never stopped growing. Every week our fielder would get taller and taller so when it was playoff time he’d be at his all time loftiest. Oooh, I wonder if getting bigger applies to other parts of his anatomy?

 

Hey, a girl can dream.

 

But I have a bone to pick with the postgame and that’s with the annoying jawing of Dennis Eckersley. First, he was talking like he was ever a Philly, and second, he was blatantly dogging the Phils.

As he quipped that, “We need a bona fide eighth inning guy—but we don’t really know whose gonna be our eighth inning guy. Park threw good last night—let’s bring him back—he’s our set-up guy (now). (The problem is) there’s no truly defined roles.”

 

How could he possibly blame Phillies’ management for overlooking the need for a reliable eighth inning man? What’s my kid say? “No, duh.” Of course we’d love a truly defined setup man.

 

I really appreciate Denny kicking the 2009 World Champs when they’re down. The bullpen has been truly consistent this year in being inconsistent. Need we review the regular season woes of Brad Lidge or what happened when they shifted around the pen to find an internal replacement for him? But Cal Ripkin redeemed the show when he said, “Charlie’s moves have been the right ones but today it didn’t work.”

 

That’s the stuff that happens.

 

Charlie couldn’t expect more innings from Martinez and he wasn’t fooling himself in believing anything would be different. Hey, that’s a lot like marriage. Boy, do I know how he feels. And Charlie knows the only role of a reliever in the postseason is to be effective—immediately. It appears as though Charlie’s message is, “One batter-one chance.”

 

You only get one first impression.

 

Let’s look on the bright side. We saw an awesome duel of veteran hurlers—each with a grab-bag of pitches like a successful Halloween haul. We saw Ryan Howard’s fifth career postseason dinger and Pedro Martinez strike out his good buddy and .350 postseason average batter, Mannywood Ramirez.

We also saw Shane Victorino get overheated in the LA sun (I’ll bet he’s a blast at a luau), Ryan Madson strike out Matt Kemp on a bases loaded change up, and Carlos Ruiz being the postseason hero that he is when he foiled Kemp’s stolen base attempt like a father peeking into a parked car.

 

Well, that’s baseball and we’re about to see a lot of it. I expect these evenly matched teams to duke it out for seven whole games. And what makes for better baseball than that? The networks will make that much more money and it’ll definitely make buying my 2009 NLCS Championship jersey that much sweeter.

 

Usually after a game like this, the Philadelphia Phillies I’ve watched all season learn from their mistakes. Maybe seven games are too many to stay intense after a game one win and a home field swap. But now it’s time to get their game back on. And they’re returning home to do it. There’s nothing like good ol’ homegrown fans to make you feel welcome.

 

Let’s hear it for boys.

 

Read more Philadelphia Phillies news on BleacherReport.com

Philadelphia Phillies Win NLDS: Did I Hear an Innuendo in There?

I thought my kid gave me gray hair.

 

I think we all agree that the game that clinched the Phillies’ NLDS championship was a hair-pulling, nerve-racking, nail-biting, drunk-inducing, hyphenated stress-fest.

 

Before the game even started, I was so nervous I had to find something to do with my hands.  And since I’m married, I chose cooking.

 

What’d you think I was going to say?

 

But as my level of anxiety built with each inning, I had gone on such a cooking terror that, by the ninth inning, I had roasted a chicken, baked a pie, canned tomatoes, mashed potatoes, and had a casserole ready for the oven.  The problem is, in my frenzy, I don’t recall where I got the meat.  Hmmm, where’s that pesky cat?

 

I’m kidding, don’t tell PETA.  I’d never chop up my cat for a casserole.  Maybe for a stew.  I hear they’re gamey.

 

No, really, I’m just kidding.  I’d never chop up my own cat.  I’d use the local stray.

 

Wait, isn’t there a Chinese take-out joke in there somewhere?

 

I’ll stop now.

 

But I have some disappointments to voice about the playoff roster. 

 

First, no Tyler Walker?  He finished the season with an ERA of 3.06.  Only Scott Eyre, Clay Condry, and JA Happ pitched better (of those who pitched 20 or more innings).  Chad Durbin had one of the worst K/BB ratios on the team. 

 

Besides, I’m familiar with Durbin disappointment.  I’m the one whose husband coined the term Disturbin’ Durbin.  And I’m the one who used that term ad nauseam while blogging this season.

 

And granted, Eric Bruntlett was a bit more ineffective than Greg Dobbs, but Bruntlett dominated the stats in spring training.  He simply didn’t get enough game time during the year to stay seasoned.  Take it from a babe who’s always in season.

 

And what about that triple play?  Bruntlett has a jersey in the Hall of Fame for that manage et twa.

 

Ahh, a girl can dream.

 

And I have some confusion over a decision made during Game Four.  Who decided to pinch-hit Greg Dobbs?  Ben Francisco had just used up one life to stop a flyball from blowing the game wide open, and he was replaced in the lineup by none other than Greg Dobbs? 

 

I don’t care if it’s better to put a lefty on a lefty, or a lefty on a righty. Just so I get to be on top.

 

Whoops, was I thinking out loud?

 

I feel like Dobbs simply contributed a cropped haircut and disappointed sighs to this year’s lineup.  Why not use Matt Stairs?  At least when he strikes out, I feel like I got a glimpse of Santa.

 

But I’m sure everyone has already revisited the highlights of that exciting game so I won’t bore you more, but there’s something everyone should know.  When Ryan Howard stepped to the plate in the ninth, I so hoped he wouldn’t fall for the breaking ball.

 

Who am I kidding—“hoping” is for wussies—I dropped to my knees and prayed.  I prayed he wouldn’t whiff on a wayward slider, and I selflessly traded my wish for a cellulite cure for a base hit. (I apologize to everyone in section 145 for the unsightliness).

 

But it worked.  That’s my confession.  I’ll take credit for his hit.  And it may sound futile to trade something so essential as personal beauty for a few RBI, but it’s no more pointless than stalking Shane Victorino with the hope that we’d get stuck on an elevator together.

 

Not that I’ve ever done that.

 

At least my Brad Lidge bobblehead has increased in value—and without a government bailout.  Actually, it’s no longer a bobble“head”; that’s an unpleasant innuendo.  Giving children an item that appears stiff but is really wobbly paints an undesirable picture.  But pretending a wobbly head is stiff is second nature for me.

 

Whoa!  Did I really say that?

 

I’m sorry.  The moral of the story is, we shall hereforeto refer to the “bobblehead” as a “bobble figurine.”  And we’ll limit our “innuendos” to the Viagra commercials that air during Major League Baseball.

 

Is that hypocrisy?  Can I bake that in a pie?

 

I especially like the Viagra commercial where two tubs sit, side-by-side, housing horny old codgers…

 

I’m sorry, my husband tells me that’s not politically correct.  Let me try again.  So, these two ancient old horndogs are smelling up separate tubs…

 

He scoffed at me again.  Okay, two deprived, shriveled-up old farts are floating their folds under a faucet…

 

Sorry, how ‘bout one more try?  Two respected, elderly citizens are gazing out at the sunset because they hope to get it on before the sun sets on them.

 

No?  I don’t have any idea where I was.  I’m sorry, it’s been a long time since I posted and I have a lot of built-up tension.

 

My husband says he knows how I feel.

 

Okay, let me get through this Viagra story.  So, these two horny, wrinkled, respected senior citizens were sitting in separate tubs gazing out over the sunset, when my son asked me, “What’s Viagra do?”

 

My husband said, “It heats your water.”

 

Be that as it may, I don’t think it makes sense for a guy to take a dose of Viagra to sit alone in a bathtub.

 

My husband says it makes plenty of sense.  He’s married.

 

Ohhh!  I’ll be here all week.  Try the veal.  Just not at the Chinese take-out.

 

And tune in on Thursday night.  If the Monday night game was an indication of the standard level of playoff anxiety, I better go grocery shopping.

 

And hide my cat.

 

Go Phils!

Read more Philadelphia Phillies news on BleacherReport.com

Pedro Martinez: Quick, Ask Me a Question

When I walked into my brother’s house for dinner, he asked me one question.

 

“What did Madonna name her daughter?”

 

“Lourdes,” I said.

 

Instantly, that answer put me on the Trivial Pursuit dream team. All I needed to qualify was one right answer.

 

Hell, if that’s how things work, ask me another question. Quick. Ask me if Africa’s a country.

 

The answer’s “no.”

 

Now I’m qualified to run for President.

 

Here’s another question: Are you currently pitching in the MLB?

 

“No.”

 

You’re hired!

 

Pedro Martinez can talk the talk and walk the walk, but can he still pitch?

 

Who knows. No one else was interested enough to give him a contract this year, but the Phillies aren’t worried, they’re only shelling out a million dollars.

 

A million dollars?! Hey, that’s a lot of money to me. I think I’m qualified to pitch. Quick, ask me a question.

 

What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

 

African or European Swallow?

 

No really, I can pitch. I’ve spent hours doing that on the phone.

 

Wait, my husband said that’s not pitching, it’s bitc…Okay, you get the point. But that’s how quickly mistakes are made. It’s like trying to fart but accidentally pooping your pants. You just hope it happens close to home.

 

But Rodrigo Lopez, JA Happ, Antonio Bastardo, or Carlos Carrosco might be looking for a new one. Someone’s got to go. Lopez made his case as a starter in the minors before they were confident enough to bring him up, and Happ has the best stats of anyone in the rotation: He’s 6-0 with a sub three ERA, 6’6”, 200 pounds, brown eyes, nice smile, long thighs…

 

I’m sorry, was I thinking out loud?

 

To me, the necessity of needing more pitchers, like the need for radan testing, is questionable.

 

Forming a pitching staff isn’t as easy as pouring my amorphous breasts into pre-formed cups to make them look bulbous. Pitching is something you can’t fake. And trust me, I know something about that. You can’t mold pitchers like you’re pouring Jello shots.

 

Even though they’re a sweet tasty treat, the side effects are hell—you wake up with no pants and your name’s been changed.

 

And someone knows you lied about your bra size.

 

After last night’s win over the Marlins, maybe “Cold” Hamels finally warmed up for good but why isn’t Disturbin’ Durbin looking for a home? And let’s face it. Eight of the 12 pitchers on the Phil’s active roster are over 30 years old. So let’s pick up Martinez, a guy who’s 37, and go after Halladay, a man who’s 32.

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love older men—they’re mature and experienced, and if they need a little performance enhancer to give them a boost, I can wait a few minutes for it to kick in. I have some dishes to do.

 

What’s my point? I don’t think getting starting pitchers is more important than starting pitchers getting it done. Can they just do the job? That’s a question for Pedro Martinez. That’s really a question for the entire staff. And if they pick up Halladay, how long will he be effective?

 

As long as Jamie Moyer? Moyer is great against the Marlins especially when his cousin, Little Jack Horner, is behind the plate giving him the corners.  

 

But every pitcher at some point this season has looked like they need a better reason to perform. That’s why I advocate for cheerleaders. Usually money’s the incentive but with the average annual player salary at $3.2 million, it seems like other “figures” need to take the stage.

 

The excuse before the All-Star break was that the bullpen was overworked but last night’s performance wasn’t an indication of a rested one. Chan Ho Park, Ryan Madson, and Brad Lidge split four of the five earned runs while Disturbin’ Durbin drove up his blood pressure with two hits and two walks in his one plus innings.

 

Fortunately Clay Condrey was activated from the DL to close down an inning and Scott Eyre finally recovered from a pulling a calf while reaching for his beer.

 

And fortunately the offense didn’t fold when the bullpen did. The 6-5 win in 12 innings put the Phillies ahead by six games in the NL East and increased their winning streak to seven.

 

That’s not quite the streak I’d like to see Shane Victorino complete out across the field, but hey, a girl can dream.

 

A girl? How old are you anyway, you ask?

 

Like I told you last year, I’m 39.

 

Quick, ask me another question.

 

The Six Degrees of Charlie Manuel

By now you know a bunch of stuff about the All-Star game. You know the winner, what league has home-field advantage for the World Series, and the MVP.

 

But in this article, we’re hoping to present you with the stuff you didn’t know about the All-Stars that made the game possible.

 

After reading for months about draft picks, prospects, trades, players, and the life of Charlie Manuel, it occurred to me that Charlie has been everywhere. He was even a star in Japan and that’s a feat—Barbie couldn’t even make it there.

 

That brings us to the reason for this article. You’ve all probably heard of the oracle of “The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.” Supposedly any actor in the world can be connected to Kevin in six steps or less.

 

Well, this is the “Six Degrees of Charlie Manuel.” And although Kevin Bacon was one of the top picks for actors who now look like lesbians, I guarantee you Charlie is nowhere close to holding that honor.

 

This project is the cumulative effort of Bleacher Report contributors Christian Karcole, Bob Warja, Richard Marsh, and me. The idea is my brain-child, but I can take just a slight bit of credit for it because I have only one child and a very small brain. Most of the information I credit to the guys listed above.

 

You might think it’s a wussy year to do an All-Star game association between the NL manager, Charlie Manuel, and the players because the lineup is laden with Phillies, but I guarantee you, Charlie is closer to his players than you think—not quite as close as I’d like to be—but in any case, let’s get started.

 

The information on this first bunch of All-Stars was compiled by Christian Karcole. He’s the B/R co-community leader for the Phillies, B/R columnist, and you may not know this–high school student. My hat’s off to him.

 

After finishing up a year of school, he sat down to do incredible research for this project and I just can’t thank him enough. I think you’ll see why.

 

 

Christian Karcole’s Roll Call

 

Chase Utley

 

Second Baseman, Philadelphia Phillies

In 1969, a young Charlie Manuel made his major league debut. His father had committed suicide in 1963 before his signing with the Minnesota Twins, so Manuel was determined to get somewhere in life. Although his career never panned out much, Charlie was able to stay in the majors for six seasons before leaving for Japan.

Chase Cameron Utley was born in 1978 in Pasadena, California. In April of 2003, Utley made his major league debut. Since then, Utley has played in five full major league seasons, this current one being the sixth.

 

Charlie Manuel also played six seasons in the majors. While Utley will be playing for many more years to come, at this moment, they’ve both played six.

When Charlie Manuel got to Japan, he became an instant star. Utley also played in Japan as a star, just under a little different circumstance. In 2006, Utley was selected among baseball’s best and traveled to Japan with a team of All-Stars to compete against Japanese players.

In 1975, Manuel played on the Los Angeles Dodgers with a man by the name of Ron Cey. Cey went on to play for the Chicago Cubs, and in 1986, was a teammate of current Phillies pitcher Jamie Moyer. Of course, Moyer and Utley are now teammates, and Manuel is managing them both.

Here’s another tid-bit: Utley bats left and throws right, and Manuel does the same.

 

 

Hanley Ramirez

 

Shortstop, Florida Marlins

Hanley Ramirez’s former teammate, Arthur Rhodes, is the engine that gets this one going. Although Rhodes has not played for a single team for more than one season since 2003, he was a mainstay in the Baltimore Orioles’ rotation and bullpen for quite a few years.

 

During those years, a catcher by the name of Rick Dempsey played alongside him. An amazing 23 years before, Dempsey had made his major league debut. The year, I’m alluding to is 1969, which was Charlie Manuel’s first year in the bigs. Coincidentally, both played for the Minnesota Twins that season.

After their playing days ended, both Dempsey and Manuel became coaches. In 2005, Dempsey was the third base coach for the Baltimore Orioles, a former team of his. The man he was replacing was Sam Perlozzo, who had been promoted to interim manager.

 

In this past offseason, that same Sam Perlozzo was selected by Manuel to be his third base coach.

Going back to Perlozzo’s playing days, you’ll find that he was a member of the 1977 Minnesota Twins, Manuel’s former ball club. Even more odd is the fact that Manuel played with a pitcher by the name of Geoff Zahn in his final season, 1975, and Zahn went on to play for the Twins in 1977 with Perlozzo.

You think that’s all? Sam Perlozzo wasn’t a major league hit, just as Manuel wasn’t, so what did he do? He followed Manuel’s example and left for Japan. For his lone season in Japan, Perlozzo played for the Yakult Swallows in 1981. In 1980, Charlie Manuel’s last year of any type of professional baseball, he was a member of the Yakult Swallows.

Now that’s interesting.

 

Josh Johnson

 

Pitcher, Florida Marlins

Arthur Rhodes shows up again here, and for obvious reasons. Josh Johnson was on the 2008 Florida Marlins, which means that he was also teammates with Rhodes, just as Hanley Ramirez was. What does this mean? It means that the connection between Johnson and Charlie Manuel is the same as it was for Ramirez.

Yet, looking past that, there are a few more ways to connect Manuel and Johnson.

First of all, Johnson broke into the majors against the Phillies in 2005, Manuel’s first year as the Phillies’ skipper. Also, Johnson was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Manuel’s first team, as I’ve stated, was the Twins, who call Minnesota their home. Finally, we are left with one last bond between the two: they both bat left-handed and throw right-handed.

It’s not much, but it’s something.

 

Dan Haren

 

Pitcher, Arizona Diamondbacks

Dan Haren is arguably the best pitcher in baseball right now. In 2008, Haren played with Randy Johnson, who has made his case as one of the best pitchers in the history of baseball over the course of his career.

The Big Unit, Johnson, was born in 1963, the year Charlie Manuel’s father committed suicide as well as the year of Manuel’s first major league contract. Johnson was teammates with a third baseman named Graig Nettles in 1988 with the Montreal Expos.

 

Nettles began his playing career in 1967 with the Minnesota Twins. His last year with the Twins was in 1969, which of course was the year Charlie Manuel began his major league career, and for the same team, the Twins. I’m sure you’re sick of the Twins and the year 1969 by now.

Nettles was born in 1944, batted left-handed and threw right-handed, and played for the Cleveland Indians. Manuel was born in 1944, batted left and threw right, and managed the Cleveland Indians. Both also battled and have survived cancer.

Nettles also pitched for the San Diego Padres in 1986. One of his teammates was the memorable John Kruk, who of course went on to play for the Phillies from 1989-1994.

 

During those years, Kruk was a teammate of Mike Leiberthal, who also went on to play for the Phillies. Cole Hamels, the NLCS and World Series MVP in 2008 for Manuel’s World Champion Phillies, pitched a few of his first major league games to Leiberthal, completing the circle.

 

Tim Lincecum

 

Pitcher, San Francisco Giants

On May 6, 2007, Tim Lincecum made his major league debut for the San Francisco Giants. He took the mound against the Philadelphia Phillies, led by manager Charlie Manuel. Lincecum was replacing right-hander Russ Ortiz in the rotation due to injury.

 

Russ shares a last name with David, a current member of the Boston Red Sox, and former member of the…Minnesota Twins. (In case you have forgotten, the Twins were Manuel’s first team.)

David Ortiz began his career in 1997 with the Twins, when Hall of Fame player Paul Molitor was also a Twin. Molitor was born on Aug. 22, which connects him to me, since that’s also my birthday. Why does that matter? Well, er, I’m a Phillies fan. Does that work?

 

In all seriousness, Molitor played with a familiar name in 1991 for the Milwaukee Brewers: Rick Dempsey. If you have forgotten, Dempsey played with Manuel in 1969, and both later became coaches. Also, Dempsey replaced Sam Perlozzo as third base coach for the Orioles, and Perlozzo is the Phillies’ current third base coach. This then continues with Perlozzo’s and Manuel’s playing careers in Japan.

 

Adrian Gonzalez

 

First Baseman, San Diego Padres

Adrian Gonzalez is a tremendous baseball player. He has quietly put up stellar numbers in his five year career. But honestly, the man doesn’t have a strong association with Charlie Manuel, except for one connection: Randy Wolf.

Randy Wolf made a name for himself in the Phillies’ rotation after eight years of service with Philadelphia. During that time, he played with numerous current Phillies, and was also a player under Manuel for two seasons, in 2005 and 2006.

 

After moving on from the Phillies, Wolf became a member of the Dodgers in 2007 before pitching for the Astros and Padres during the 2008 seasons. This means Adrian Gonzalez was also his teammate.

So after all of that, it becomes clear that the lone connection between Gonzalez and Manuel is the fact that Wolf played under Manuel and with Gonzalez, correct?

 

Not quite, there’s more. After further investigation, I was able to find that Wolf also played with former Phillies closer Jose Mesa. Earlier in his career, Mesa was a member of the Baltimore Orioles. And one of Mesa’s teammates was Rick Dempsey (see Hanley Ramirez—if not read about Manuel/Dempsey). Man, these two keep coming back to each other.

But wait, there’s more. (I admit, I lied when I stated there was just one connection.) There is, in fact, another interesting group of players that connect these two.

Rene Gonzalez, who I found relates to Adrian solely based on last name, played in the majors for 13 seasons while playing for seven different clubs. Rene played for the California Angles on two occasions, in 1992-1993, and 1995.

 

In 1992, Bert Blyleven was a teammate of Rene’s on the Angels. Twenty-two years prior to that season in 1970, Blyleven was a member of the Minnesota Twins, just as Charlie Manuel was.

 

Ryan Howard

 

First Baseman, Philadelphia Phillies

Ryan Howard has made a name for himself as one of baseball’s most elite and consistent power-hitters. But this relationship has absolutely nothing to do with power.

Ryan Howard’s current teammate, Jamie Moyer, has been in baseball for 22 long seasons. One of those came as a Chicago Cub in 1986, the year Moyer first pitched in the majors. Also on the Cubs that year was a commonly known name to many Phillies fans, and a member of one of the fastest infields baseball has ever seen: Davey Lopes.

In Lopes’ third season in the bigs, 1974, Charlie Manuel was preparing to end his career in the United States. Yet, before Manuel left for Japan, he signed on to play for the Dodgers in 1974 and 1975, meaning he and Lopes were teammates for two seasons.

Today, Davey Lopes is still remembered by Phillies fans for two reasons: 1) the controversy he was involved in during the 1977 NLCS when he was incorrectly called safe at a crucial point of game three, and 2) he is the current first base coach for the Phillies.

So there’s one last little connection: Davey Lopes is the first base coach and Ryan Howard plays first base.

 

Orlando Hudson

 

Second Baseman, Los Angeles Dodgers

Orlando Hudson was not signed by the Dodgers until February 21 this past offseason, as many other clubs felt he was a risky pick-up. Well, for most of this season, this “risky” signing has worked out well for the first-place Dodgers.

Speaking of those Dodgers, their manager, Joe Torre, can surprisingly be linked to Charlie Manuel. When he first began his career for the Twins in 1969, Manuel played alongside Joe Grzenda. Grzenda ended his major league career after the 1972 season, which he spent with the St. Louis Cardinals. Another member of that Cardinals team? Joe Torre.

Also, the Dodgers’ third base coach, Larry Bowa, was the previous Phillies manager before Charlie Manuel joined the team.

Finally, Hudson’s teammate, Manny Ramirez has two connections to Charlie Manuel. First, Ramirez played under Manuel for the Cleveland Indians when Manuel was the Tribe’s hitting coach.

 

The second is through a player by the name of Shawon Dunston, who was Manny Ramirez’ teammate in 1998 with the Indians, also during the time Manuel was the hitting coach.

 

Yet Dunston’s linkage to Manuel goes further than this. Dunston, an outfielder who played for 18 seasons, was a member of the Chicago Cubs in 1985, the same year as Ron Cey. Cey, who was mentioned above within the Chase Utley connection, was a member of the 1974 Los Angeles Dodgers, just as Manuel was, along with Davey Lopes.

 

That’s it from Christian. This next list is from Richard Marsh aka “Vegas Rich.”

 

Rich has compiled quite the resume since joining B/R and I’m thrilled he joined in this task, especially since he’s a huge Mets fan and I cheer for the Phillies. But soon after I approached him with the idea, I started getting cold feet.

 

Hey, I’ve taken my vows—the last thing any of us needed was something else to be married to. But he hung in there and just like me, found that the research this project required was actually enjoyable. I’ll put my hat back on just so I can take it off for Rich too.

 

All-Star Picks from Vegas Rich

(Poe’s Note: Since Carlos Beltran was on the DL, Rich choose to do Carlos Lee).

 

Carlos Lee

 

Outfielder, Houston Astros

 

I’m finally getting the hang of this. Let’s take Carlos Lee. This is a bad boy hitter not to be confused with Derrick Lee who also hits for a ton. Derrick plays for the Cubs who may never win a World Series in this century.

 

Now Carlos, who swings the lumber for Houston (gee, I hope I didn’t get these two guys mixed up and I’m way too lazy to check it out) has a connection, ever so slight to Charlie Manuel.

 

Carlos Lee played with Carl Everett for the 2003 Chicago White Sox. Carl Everett played with Charlie Hough for the 1994 Florida Marlins. Charlie Hough played with Charlie Manuel for the 1974 Los Angeles Dodgers. See how easy that was. (Boy am I dense.)

 

 

Jason Marquis

 

Pitcher, Colorado Rockies

 

Jason Marquis is tied with two other pitchers for most wins in the majors right now at 11. Not too shabby, especially when he calls Coors Field his home park. He’s connected to Charlie Manuel this way. Jason played with Tom Glavine with the 2001 Atlanta Braves.

 

Glavine (traitor) played with Jerry Royster for the 1988 Braves and low and behold Jerry Royster played with Charlie Manuel on the 1975 Los Angeles Dodgers. Are you getting to see a pattern forming here?

 

 

Francisco Rodriguez

 

Pitcher, New York Mets

 

Lets move on to Francisco (K-Rod) Rodriguez (yeah!) and see if we can find some connection to Charlie. Oh no, can’t find one so I’ll make one up.

 

Charlie’s sister’s college roommate’s brother’s dad stopped at the same gas station in LA where at the next gas pump K-Rod’s auntie’s brother-in-law’s son was in a frenzy because he couldn’t find the tickets for game three of last year’s NLCS at Dodger Stadium.

 

When asked what he was looking for, he replied “I see your Swartz is as big as mine.” If you believe that, I have some bridge property to sell you in Brooklyn.

 

 

David Wright

 

Third Baseman, New York Mets

 

Now surely there’s a personal connection to Charlie Manuel right? None that I can find so I’ll make up one that is definitely more to be fact than fiction. David’s hitting instructor is Howard Johnson. HOJO’s manager in 1986 was Davey Johnson.

 

Davey became a manager with the Los Angeles Dodgers and as we know at some time in the mid-’70s, Charlie played for those same Dodgers.

 

There you go and I didn’t need any reference guide for that one.

 

 

Johan Santana

 

Pitcher, New York Mets

 

Now we have Johan Santana, the Mets ace and Charlie’s nightmare every time the Phillies have to face him. This too will ultimately come back to the Dodgers. Johan was a teammate with Ruben Sierra while playing for the 2006 Minnesota Twins.

 

Ruben played with Tom Paciorek (now that’s a name out of the past) for the 1986 Texas Rangers (they were pretty good back then; they just couldn’t beat the Yankees). Of course, Tommy played with Charlie with the 1974 Dodgers (what a surprise).

 

Three more to go.

 

 

Freddy Sanchez

 

Second Baseman, Pittsburgh Pirates

 

Let’s see what I can dig up on Freddy (soon to be traded) Sanchez. Freddy played with 100 year-old Jose Mesa for the 2005 Pittsburgh Pirates. Mesa played with Rick Dempsey for the 1992 Baltimore Orioles, and low and behold Rick Dempsey played with Charlie Manuel for the 1972 Minnesota Twins.

 

It would have been a lot shorter to say that Charlie managed Jose Mesa in Philadelphia a couple of years back but that would have been taking the easy road.

 

 

Miguel Tejada

 

Shortstop, Houston Astros

 

Moving on with this assignment, I had the good fortune to draw Miguel (how old am I?) Tejada. Let’s see where this goes. This is a good one. Miguel (we’re good friends now) sang with—NO—I mean played with Kenny Rogers for the 1999 Oakland Athletics.

 

Kenny, who is old as dirt, played with Charlie Hough for the 1989 Texas Rangers. Well, you already know the connection to Charlie Hough and Charlie Manuel (if you were paying any attention to this at all) but there’s just a little twist to this one.

 

No there isn’t. Gotcha. Both Charlie’s played for the 1974 Dodgers. (You are so easy.)

 

 

Ryan Zimmerman

 

Third Baseman, Washington Nationals

 

Last but not least, Ryan Zimmerman. This one is very cool. Lots of new names.

 

Ryan played with Tomakazu Okha (are you kidding me?) for the 2005 Washington Nationals (they really sucked). Okha (are you serious?) played with Tim Raines (now that was a five-tool player) for the 2001 Montreal Expos.

 

Tim played with another great player, Graig Nettles for the 1988 Expos and here’s the connection to Charlie. Nettles played with Charlie Manuel for the 1969 Minnesota Twins.

 

 

That’s it for Vegas Rich. You’re halfway there. The list of guys I was fortunate enough to review is below.

 

Mo’ from Poe

 

First I have to credit Baseball-Reference.com and the MLB pages for all the teams. Then I’ll credit the great Oz for giving me temporary use of a brain. And now, I’ll give you my list.

 

 

Ryan Braun

 

Outfielder, Milwaukee Brewers

 

We could start with the association between Charlie Manuel and the Milwaukee Brewers left fielder Ryan Braun for the fact that Braun played in the 2008 NLDS championship that the Phillies took from the Crew.

 

But did you know when Charlie Manuel played for the Minnesota Twins in 1972, he played with a guy named Steve Braun? Bet you didn’t care either. And Steve and Charlie both bat left and throw right. It’s also true that Steve is the name of Ryan Braun’s youngest brother who was drafted last year by the Milwaukee Brewers.

 

But the 2009 MLB All-Star, Ryan Joseph Braun, shouldn’t be mistaken for Ryan Zachary Braun who’s an MLB right-handed pitcher even though the Brewer’s outfielder has recently been reprimanded for criticizing his own team’s pitching.

 

Shame on him.

 

 

Raul Ibanez

 

Outfielder, Philadelphia Phillies

 

Of course Raul is the “Pride of the Phillies.” Literally. He’s on the “Pride” lithograph this year. But did you know Charlie Manuel was drafted by the Minnesota Twins as an amateur free agent in 1963 but didn’t debut in the majors until 1969?

 

That’s the year he played with Graig Nettles. Then Nettles went on to play with Jeff Huson in 1988 with the Montreal Expos, and Huson played with Raul Ibanez for the Seattle Mariners in 1998.

 

And all four players bat left and throw right.

 

Raul Ibanez was also a favorite of Pat Gillick when he was in management for the Mariners from 2000-2005. Gillick was instrumental in bringing Ibanez to Philadelphia for a possible career record-breaking season with the signing of a 3 year $30 million contract.

 

On a further note, Raul Ibanez and Charlie Manuel both appeared in articles I’ve posted on B/R for their alleged use of performance-enhancing drugs.

 

Betcha didn’t know that.

 

 

Heath Bell

 

Pitcher, San Diego Padres

 

I imagine Heath Bell was voted into the All-Star game because of his 1.49 ERA over 34 games. Or the fact that he’s one of the league’s leading closers with 23 saves in 24 opportunities in his first full year in that position since San Diego traded Trevor Hoffman to the Brewers.

 

He had planned on taking his kids to Disneyland during the break, but Orlando will have to take a back seat to St. Louis. Wow, if I had a quarter for every time I said that.

 

In 2004 Bell pitched for the New York Mets along with another great—left-hander, Tom Glavine. Glavine debuted in the MLB at the age of 21 and had a career that spanned 22 years.

 

He’s a two-time Cy Young award winner, and one of only 24 pitchers in major league history to earn 300 career wins. As we all know, Glavine was released by the Braves on the same day that Randy Johnson chalked up his 300th career win.

 

Glavine pitched in the league so long he played for the Atlanta Braves in 1988 with Jerry Royster. That was Royster’s last year playing major league baseball, but earlier in his career he was on the Los Angeles Dodgers roster with an outfielder named Charlie Manuel who was finishing up his last year in pro ball in 1975.

 

 

Chad Billingsley

Jonathan Broxton

 

Pitchers, Los Angeles Dodgers

 

Here’s a two-fer. During their stints with the Dodgers, both Billingsley and Broxton pitched with four-time consecutive Cy Young award winner and eight-time All-Star, Greg Maddux.

 

But you might not know that Maddux played with Davey Lopes on the 1986 Chicago Cubs which finished with a losing record of 70-90, putting them in fifth position of six teams in the NL East–their division at the time.

 

Then Lopes played with Charlie Manuel for the Los Angeles Dodgers in 1974, the year the Dodgers won their division and the NL championship but lost to the Athletics in the World Series, four games to one. Lopes, who led the national league with 77 stolen bases in 1975 and 63 in 1976, is 25th on the all-time stolen base leaders list with a career total of 557.

 

Now he’s the first base coach for the Philadelphia Phillies, hanging with Charlie in the dugout and coaxing guys to second base with his stopwatch.

 

How’s that for a connection.

 

 

Matt Cain

 

Pitcher, San Francisco Giants

 

You may have known that Matt Cain had a seven-game winning streak this season that contributed to his 10-2 record, his 2.42 season ERA, and his election to the All-Star game. And you might have guessed that Matt played with Barry Bonds for the Giants in 2005.

 

But what you probably don’t know is while Bonds may have been playing enhanced ball in 1986 for the Pittsburgh Pirates, right-handed pitcher, Rick Rhoden, was also on the roster.

 

That was the year Rhoden pitched his way to an All-Star roster spot, tied for fifth in Cy Young voting in the NL, and won a Silver Slugger award. And in 1984 he had an eleven-game hitting streak (yes, hitting streak), one of the longest in history for a pitcher.

 

In 1974, Rhoden played his first year in the majors for the Los Angeles Dodgers with a guy who was one year from retiring–Charlie Manuel. Charlie only played four games that year, as did Rhoden, so I’d like to allege that he and Charlie found plenty of time to talk.

 

Maybe Charlie, the man who’s been known to start a debate anywhere over philosophies of hitting, helped him out with his batting.

 

Hey, it could’ve happened.

 

 

Hunter Pence

 

Outfielder, Houston Astros

 

In 2007, Hunter Pence managed a 3rd place finish in overall voting for National League Rookie of the Year. Of course he trailed fellow 2009 All-Star Ryan Braun who was ROTY and runner-up Troy Tulowitzki by over 100 votes. But his performance was more comparable than the vote suggests. And now he’s playing in his first career All-Star game.

 

Good for him.

 

In his first major league season, he had the honor of playing with seven-time All-Star, Craig Biggio. That would be the three-time Golden Glove and five-time Silver Slugger’s last year in baseball. In his illustrious career, he played in six NL Division Series, two NL Championship Series, and one World Series but never earned a ring.

 

Biggio also played with Rick Rhoden for Houston in 1989, and we already know Rhoden’s 1974 connection to Charlie Manuel.

 

At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

 

 

Justin Upton

 

Outfielder, Arizona Diamondbacks

 

Justin and his brother BJ (Tampa Bay Devil Rays) are the highest drafted brothers in baseball. Justin joined the 1998 expansion club, the Diamondbacks in 2007, the year they won the NL West but lost the Championship to 1993 expansion team the Colorado Rockies.

 

2007 was also the first year veteran pitcher, 10-time All-Star, four-time Cy Young winner, World Series ring bearer, and now 300 club member, Randy Johnson, came back to Arizona after an unproductive two-year run with the Yankees.

 

I hope Justin got his autograph.

 

Anyway, Johnson has played in the big leagues so long he was a teammate on the 1988 Montreal Expos with Graig Nettles.

 

That’s not the first time we heard that name. Charlie played with Nettles in Minnesota in 1969.

 

It’s a small world.

 

 

Shane Victorino

 

Outfielder, Philadelphia Phillies

 

What can I say? I’m a huge Phillies fan, a huge hustle fan, and a huge fan of Shane Victorino. You could say I was Shane-ing when Shane-ing wasn’t cool. There’s nothing that toots my horn more than trying, and Shane is the embodiment of try. I just wish he’d try to show us more of his body.

 

I’m sorry, was I thinking out loud?

 

Shane was drafted by the Los Angeles Dodgers in the sixth round of the 1999 amateur draft. Wait, that sounds familiar. Wasn’t Chase Utley drafted by the Dodgers in an amateur draft? Yup. In the second round in 1997. Both were drafted straight out of high school but Shane went to the minors while Chase became a scholar.

 

Anyway, the connection is, Chase Utley is undeniably Charlie Manuel’s favorite player. But since Shane’s return from the World Baseball Classic where he got absolutely zero play time and came back with a healthy coat of rust, he’s done nothing but accumulate stats.

 

Currently he’s second in the league in runs with 62 and hits at 107, he’s tied for second in triples, and he’s batting .308. But there’s no doubt he won the last spot on the NL All-Star roster due to his performance in the days preceding the close of voting.

 

And at 5’9”, Shane proves size doesn’t matter.

 

 

Jayson Werth

 

Outfielder, Philadelphia Phillies

 

I could just say Charlie’s connection to Jayson is personal–Charlie personally picked Werth to replace the DL’ed Carlos Beltran, but did you also know Werth played with former Phillies pitcher, Tom “Flash” Gordon, who’s played for 21 seasons in the MLB?

 

That’s such a long career that in 1988 Gordon played with Kansas City Royal’s first baseman and designated hitter, Bill Buckner, who played ball with Charlie Manuel in his last year in the MLB in 1975 for the Los Angeles Dodgers.

 

Also, Jayson’s stepfather, Dennis Werth, played five seasons in the MLB, his grandfather, Dick Schofield, played 21 years in the majors, and his uncle, Richard Craig Schofield, played for 14 years. But Jayson’s 2009 All-Star appearance is the first MLB award ever earned by any of his family of major league baseball players.

 

And he has Charlie Manuel to thank for that.

 

 

Brad Hawpe

 

Outfielder, Colorado Rockies

 

Brad Hawpe can connect to Charlie Manuel ironically through more Charlie’s. Hawpe was a member of the Rockies when Charles Johnson played his only year with Colorado in 2004. Charlie Johnson played with Charlie Hough for the 1994 Florida Marlins, and Hough played with the last Charlie—Manuel for the 1975 Los Angeles Dodgers.

 

But another connection is that Brad Hawpe was 24th in MVP voting the year Jimmy Rollins was selected National League MVP in 2007, and Rollins was a member of the 2005 All-Star squad with Albert Pujols, who is making his eighth All-Star appearance in nine seasons by playing on Charlie Manuel’s NL team this year.

 

 

Brian McCann

 

Catcher, Atlanta Braves

 

Brian McCann was playing for the Braves with Julio Franco in 2005, and Franco has played with the same Charlie Hough that connects to Brad Hawpe. Only this time, Hough was playing with the 1990 Texas Rangers. Over Hough’s 25 seasons in the MLB, he was elected to the All-Star roster only once–in 1986 while he was still in Texas.

 

McCann, in contrast, has appeared in four All-Star games in his five seasons in the majors. And both Charlie Manuel and Brian McCann bat left and hit right.

 

And McCann, just like 2009 All-Star team member, Jason Marquis, played with Tom Glavine for the Atlanta Braves. As Vegas Rich pointed out earlier, Glavine played with Jerry Royster for the 1988 Braves, and Jerry Royster played with Charlie Manuel on the 1975 Los Angeles Dodgers.

 

It’s definitely a small world.

 

 

Last but not least, we were joined by the immortal Bob Warja. Bob is the Chicago Cubs B/R Community Leader, he’s ranked No. 1 among Chicago Cubs and MLB writers, and he sits among the front page top writers on B/R.

 

If there was an All-Star game for writers, Bob would be there huffing and puffing, so you can imagine how humbled I was to have him join us.

 

And as a seasoned writer (like Vegas Rich), he took very little time to make his points.

 

Bob’s Job

 

Yadier Molina

Catcher

Ryan Franklin

Pitcher

Albert Pujols

First Baseman

St. Louis Cardinals

 

Yadier Molina, Ryan Franklin, and Albert Pujols have all played their entire careers for Tony La Russa. Tony was born on the fourth in 1944, just like Charlie Manuel, albeit in different months of the year.

 

Another similarity is that La Russa and Manuel both were signed as amateur free agents, each played six seasons in the majors, and both finished their Bob Uecker-type careers with a batting average below the Mendoza line. Oh, and each has managed a World Series winner.

 

 

Francisco Cordero

Pitcher, Cincinnati Reds

 

Francisco Cordero plays for Dusty Baker with the Reds and both Baker and Manuel were with the Los Angeles Dodgers in 1975. Manuel was just finishing up his career, while Baker had been traded by the Braves to the Dodgers after the season ended.

 

 

Ted Lilly

Pitcher, Chicago Cubs

 

Did you know that both Ted Lilly and Charlie Manuel were born on Jan. 4? Do you care? Are you even still reading this? Anyway, both were with the Dodgers organization, and Lilly plays for Lou Piniella, who, like Manuel, has won a division title in each league. Each has one a pennant and one World Series title as manager.

 

 

Prince Fielder

First Baseman, Milwaukee Brewers

 

Prince Fielder’s father, Cecil Fielder, played in Japan just like Charlie Manuel.

 

How’s that for short and sweet.

 

 

The End

 

That’s it. Thanks for reading. Again, kudos to the guys who helped. I couldn’t have done it without them.

 

Now I must go rest my brain.

 

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