An Open Letter to Roy Halladay

“Doc” Halladay,

I think your name has been in the paper in Philadelphia more than Andy Reid and his sons or Michael Jackson and blanket. We are looking for Christmas in July here in the city of brotherly love…you can offer us that Halladay.

 

Here are lucky seven reasons to move to Philadelphia.

1. You play baseball…in Canada, am I missing something?

2. We are the world champs and you are consistently one of the best pitchers in Major League Baseball. What a fit…done deal.

3. Your mascot is a peaceful Blue Jay. Our’s is the best mascot in the MLB (hey, you can’t argue with ESPN) even though I don’t know what the Phanatic is.

4. Cole Hamels needs a wake up call. Grab the buzzer, cut those girly locks and get him a voice changer…then we will worry about pitching.

5. With you, and some good work from the front office, the Phillies can actually become a dynasty. Now don’t call me crazy for this, but three World Series in a row is a dynasty in my eyes and if they can keep the core, your signed through 2010.

6. Now imagine—”dream sequence”—you dig in at Citizen’s Bank Park in front of 40,000 screaming, drunk, passionate fans who want you here.

7. I want to hear Charlie Manuel call you Doc Halladay…I don’t know why.

If you don’t come, we’ll throw batteries at you during the next inter-league play set. I also heard tonight that you had a deal in the works to go to the Mets, but they turned it down. Do you realize the sh*t storm that would come down on you if you went to the Mets? What’s up Doc?!

Welcome to Philadelphia! (knock on wood)

Sincerely yours,

The City of Brotherly Love

MLB On FOX: Where Have All the Quality Broadcasters Gone?

I always used to remember, when the Phillies played on a national stage, it was a big event. Any team that gets a nationally (or partially nationally) televised game, their fans look to it as a little bigger than a local station telecast.

That being said, Eric Karros and Dick Stockton announced today’s Phillies-Dodgers game. Not only was it the worst and most awkward broadcast I have ever watched, they couldn’t even do the simple tasks of being an announcer.

I counted 13 different times where they carelessly announced the wrong pitch count. Three times, they mispronounced names. At one point they announced Greg Dobbs as Glen Dobbs.

Now, I’m not saying I could do a better job, but come on. MLB on FOX has to have their pick of the cream of the crop…right?

Not just any former player should be allowed to throw on a headset and sound like a bumbling idiot…we’ll leave that for John Madden.

This was a game between the two best teams in the major leagues, a re-match of the NLCS…am I crazy to ask for less awkward telecast? Ninety percent of the time they read directly off the screen—sometimes even incorrectly, with breaks and pauses.

Karros paused halfway through every sentence and repeated the same stats throughout. Is this Fox’s fault, careless broadcasting, or are we having a shortage of quality broadcasters?

At one point in the game Chris Rose said, “I’m here if you need me” to the two stooges in the booth. I was sitting in my living room yelling, “please Chris Rose, save them, PLEASE!”

This was the first game I actually wanted to shut off in the 10th inning—even in a tied ball game—that shouldn’t happen.

I think this is the first time I wished Erin Andrews would come in the booth and steal one of the two’s headsets.

An Open Letter to Chan Ho Park

Mr. Park,

Why do you not fit in anywhere?

You agreed to come here because the Phillies’ front office said they would insert you into a starters’ role. I was excited to have a decent pitcher (or so I thought) inserted into the fourth or fifth starter spot.

Boy, was I wrong. You came into a game where a 23-year-old rookie pitched a gem. You took over in the seventh inning with a cozy 10-1 lead. Sure, you didn’t lose, but you gave up four runs on four hits and two walks.

Your stats are uglier than Tyrone Hill.

Where do you fit?

You failed as a starter, and now you have failed in the bullpen—even in the blowout spot. I am going to start calling you Wayne Gomes; all you need to do is sweat bullets when they call you in, and you’d be a spitting image (almost).

If I was politically correct, I would say, “go back to Triple-A.” Because I am far from politically correct, I am going to say, “go back to South Korea.”

When you pitch, we should call you Chan Go Park, because you are an instant offense for any opponent.

When you enter the gates at Citizens Bank Park, they should tell you Chan No Park, and tell you to pay the $15 parking fee that the fans “painfully” pay.

Sincerely Yours,

The City of Brotherly Love

John Mayberry Jr.: Welcome to the Big Leagues

What a great story. John Mayberry Jr., son of former major leaguer John Mayberry, forcefully un-tied today’s Yankees-Phillies game in the fifth inning.

With two men on, Mayberry crushed an off-speed pitch to center field. His dad was in attendance, and with one fist pump in the air, celebrated his sons’ great achievement. (Or did he?…Fox showed the same guy for five minutes after the homer and claimed it was his father—only to find out it was a regular old Phillies’ fan…way to go, Fox.)

In his second at-bat in the major leagues, in Yankee Stadium nonetheless, Mayberry took Andy Pettitte deep. It was a three-run shot and made the game 4-1 in the fifth inning.

He came back to the bench and got the silent treatment from Charlie Manuel, only for Manuel and the team to congratulate him a few moments later.

As if the Phillies need another slugger…welcome to the major leagues, John Mayberry Jr.

Thus far, J.A. Happ has pitched a great game and is in line for a win, if the Phillies can keep the lead. This is Happs’ first start since being inserted into a starter’s role, after Chan Ho Park was optioned to the bullpen.

Let’s go, Phils!

Raul Ibanez: Pat Who?

When Pat Burrell left the Phillies for the Rays, I thought we were in trouble. Get rid of the right batting Burrell to had the left batting Ibanez? I didn’t understand considering Burrell was an above average fielder and his bat was always a great addition—when he wanted to hit.

When I saw the Phillies sign Raul Ibanez to a three-year deal worth $30 million, I was baffled. I mean, sure, he was an average left fielder with slightly above average numbers, but Burrell was the longest tenured Phillie. Pat Burrell is three years younger and equal or better in all categories—besides speed.

Boy, was I wrong.

This guy is a stud. As of today Ibanez leads the NL in RBI with 41. He is tied for the HR lead with San Diego’s Adrian Gonzalez, at 16. He is first in the league in OPS over second place Albert Pujols. He is first in the NL in SLG percentage at .737. At a .353, he is fifth in the league in batting average.

When I started to see Ibanez shine, I shrugged it off. I said, “eh he’ll come back to earth.” But the 36 year New York native just keeps proving me wrong. Maybe the organization knew something the rest of us didn’t when they signed him.

Maybe I should have seen it earlier. He is an upgrade on the base paths—being much speedier than Pat Burrell. He is a formidable fielder and his bat has been nothing short of amazing.

At first, I was sad to see “Pat the Bat” go, but now I wish him luck because we have added a new star to an already stacked line up—”I-bat-nez.”

If Ibanez continues his brilliance at the plate, and everyone else plays the way we know they can, we are going to be tough to beat—even with one of the worst average ERA in baseball.

By the way, congrats to Brett Myers for pitching a strong eight innings against the Yankees last night. It is nice to finally see someone other than Cole Hamels have success like that.

Phillies—Mets: “What Was He Thinking?” Second Edition

Talk about breaking news, I started writing this as the play happened.

Through the seventh inning of the Phillies and Mets game at CitiField tonight, Chan Ho Park pitched a beautiful game. He blanked the Mets through six innings—matching, in my opinion, the best pitcher in baseball, Johan Santana.

The tide turned during the seventh inning when Fernando Tatis tipped a broken-bat dribbler toward Pedro Feliz. Instead of holding the ball—because he obviously wasn’t going to be able to get the speedy Tatis—he threw a dreadful ball toward first base, little league-esque. At this point, Jason Werth hesitated twice and finally threw toward home as Carlos Delgado beat out what should have been a sure out.

This was the Phillies’ third error of the night—pretty bad for the best defensive team in baseball (in terms of errors committed).

This is, arguably, the biggest series of the season thus far and you just came off of a sweep of, arguably, the best team in baseball in the Cardinals. What is there not to get up for?

Does anyone else think we need a better third baseman? Why does everyone think Pedro Feliz is the “second coming” defensively? Also…why did Charlie take out Park, there were two outs and a man on second, against Santana…mistake. I expect to get some some flack for this article, but this is how I vent!